School daze

1, 2, 3. That's how many kids I have in the same school at one time. Gawd help the teachers!

I don't have much of a report on CUs 1 and 2 yet except to say I've seen them and have been able to complete two intrepid shoe exchanges (apparently they didn't like their father's or their father's partner's choices [I've seen the underwear they picked out for CU-2 - can we say "grannie pants" for a 10 year old?!]. Who can blame them.)

CU-3 does a staggered intake. Today was her first day. The feed back that I got back was that she'd done spectacularly. She herself reported that she listened and didn't end up in the time-out chair for not listening. So far so good.

There is one rather amazing development I can post about. That's about CU-1's choice hair. As one comedic friend commented "oooh a sunrise!". It's now three toned. Yellow, orange and a flaming, flaming red on top. (Great for first day of school. I think he'll fit right in don't you?) Though, I have to think that I've broken the code. My dear-EXH didn't want CU-1 to wear glasses because he thought he'd get laughed at and picked on. I figure the hair is to distract any one from seeing that CU-1 is actually wearing glasses! That's got to be it.

Right now I'm saying silent prayers that he doesn't do the same thing to this kid when he's in high school. He's going to get the snot beaten out of him for sure.

So much for joining the circus

"Where's Mom?" child unit three cries out two rooms away.

"She's gone" replies The Huz looking at me as I put my head on the table. (So much for a quiet post-dinner chat.)

"Where'd she go?" whines CU3.

"She's run away to join the circus" The Huz replies.

"Can I go too?" is the nasal-based question from CU3.

"Sure."

"But I don't know how to go there."

um, that's the point isn't it?

Crabasses unite

Summer is supposed to be a time of relaxation, and good spirits, or so *I* thought.

Not this year.

Yesterday night I had a bad parenting moment 101 where I blew-up at one of my children based on their father's behavior (not the one I live with - the other one). I wanted to just stop being a parent/adult and have my feelings considered. I wanted some one to stand up to this guy who just continues to be mean to me. I have to be an adult though.

* * *

Friday, as I was walking homeward to collect children, I stared at the railroad tracks at my transfer point and wondered what would happen if I just didn't go home for a few hours ... It has never happened, except in my head. (I've been doing this since I was little. It's a version of the fight or flight mechanism.)

Summer vacation, the good and the bad

Well, I survived the three weeks internment with the Mothership and four kids. I wouldn't call it a vacation (making all lunches, dinners and snacks for six for 21 days straight is not a vacation. Vacation, in my opinion, involves eating out a bad restaurants at least twice).

The kids were unhappy when the three weeks were up. I was thrilled to be returning to work. FINALLY, there was some down time. Except. Sigh, there's always an exception.

At the beginning of the summer we got the school rabbit. While I'd carefully interviewed my son regarding the rabbit's drinking habits (he assured me she was no party animal), cleanliness, and level of rabble rousing-ness, (he assured me she'd pass any and all tests I could think of) I'd forgot to tell him that she was not allowed to have friends over.

While I was away, and The Huz was left behind to fend because he only gets two weeks of vacation a year (and one is always used at Christmas time because his company has a mandatory shut down at Christmas where the employees don't get paid ...), apparently Bibi (the bunny) threw a party and invited, oh about 500 of her closest friends. Dear readers, we had a flea infestation.

It was bad, very very bad. I kept getting 911 calls from The Huz who would sneak to the phone while being held captive by Bibi and her roudies. Whispered telephone conversations would ensue so that they wouldn't know where he was.

He did eventually escape and came back with eco-chemical war fare to try to get his home back.

Fast forward to my return.

My house has never been so clean. Ever.

The enemy has been routed. The last of the stragglers are suffering.

Mata Hari goes back to school in 11 days.

On the road soon

Oh, the lecturing has already begun! CU-1 hasn't been home more then 35 minutes and it's been non stop chattering. (Anyone who knows this child and has been left alone with him for more then an hour has a good idea of what I'm talking about.)

I'm debating whether to send him out in the first car load or the second.

All in all, the kids are glad to be home, and I'm glad to have them. We'll collect the reinforcements shortly, stop by the library to get our fill of books, and run the last of the errands.

The blog will be quiet until August, unless I find my way home earlier!

Feeling like the Mad Hatter

In Alice in Wonderland's story, the only one I've seen a Disneyfied version of too, there's the dumb rabbit running around creating some kind of chaos (as you can see, I don't recall all of the story).

Bumpy segway.

I headed over to Josie's blog to check in with her while I procrastinated and was relieved to see she had a list. I'm soooo borrowing it, though I don't know what I'm going to do with a dress for a wedding.

I've got a weeks worth of laundry that I need to take with me for the three week "vacation". (I'm still debating whether packing/showing up at the cottage with dirty laundry is gauche.)

My pants need to be let out. So, there's another conflict. (I'll just pack the one's with a bit of stretch to them. So what that they've been on the bottom of the laundry pile for a week +_.)

Make-up? What's that. I guess I'll replace that with find the first aid kit.

Don't need my passport to go to Québec. Wait a minute. I better check the current political climate.

Laundry ... maybe I can get Rhino to finish it before I leave ... hmmmm

Colour hair. Frig. I'll just toss the box in with everything else and maybe get around to doing it at the laundromat.

Money. Fewf. I don't have any, so that'll be no problem!

Insomnia, or what cats do when I'm sleeping

I'm going through a bout of insomnia again, or maybe it's just a bout of anxiety. Having just given birth to a large personal project, having to prepare for two presentations (one two-hour presentation in front of ALL my peers at work, the other is before a client Friday morning, a mere few hours before I start my "vacation"), and having to pull my shit together for a three-week indoor camping extravaganza for five (aka vacation with the Mothership at her cottage), I can't sleep.

I've tried. Lord knows how I have tried. While The Huz rumbles and snorks next to me, I lie there in a lucid state, visions of toothbrushes and small person's underwear going through my head.

So, instead of trying to calm my concerns, and write lists, l-o-n-g, detailed lists, I start new projects (yes, it's a good time to start cleaning cupboards at 3 in the morning!) until I get distracted ... Oooh shiny things! Other's blogs! Time to catch up! Webkinz. Gawd knows I haven't watered the garden for weeks.

It's going to be a very long day.

Failure is scary; success is scarier

Ok. Ok. It's been a rough week. I'm not a person used to getting a lot of attention (despite what I look like!)

I just finished a project for which the idea has apparently has been kicking around my 'hood for quite a while - an arts map identifying all the interesting places that support the arts in our immediate corner of the city.

A friend of mine was pushing me hard to get it up and out. I guess he knows I'm a great three-quarter person. That is, get three-quarter of the work done, then just forget to pass it in. (Not that I ever did that kind of thing in school. I just didn't have to. I wasn't scholastically hot shit until I hit graduate school.)

So, it's out now. Made free. Go out and multiply!

***

On a "where the hell is this all coming from" kind of note, as I think I've ceased to have a hold on much of my reasoning abilities, I just finished The Adventures of Johnny Bunko a book that's fast, easy to read, and makes reasonable career sense, coming from a comic book. (It's worth the wait from the library, or, if you go to the website - he posts a couple of pages a day.)

To summarize the lessons learned:

1. There is no plan.
2. Think strengths, not weaknesses
3. It's not about you
4. Persistence trumps talent.
5. Make excellent mistakes.
6. Leave an imprint.

I feel that the release of the map, and quite a few things I've done recently, hits quite a few of those lessons.

Well fill my boots with pride

A supper hour post to spread the news! A photo I submitted to my library system to celebrate the 90th birthday of our local branch has been deemed banner-worthy. It will be used as signage that will appear on the side of my local branch library later this fall!

I'm mildly pleased.

When Mom's rock

There's something in the water.

In the last four days I've had at least five people ask me if I was going to have more children. I don't know where that's coming from. It could be that the extra weight is a signal for people to ask if I'm in the family way (I'm not). It could be that the idea that once you have four, what's another couple? Or, just maybe people think I like kids. Ha. No way it could be that one.

Here's a snippet of a discussion I had today at work with some of my male colleagues after one asked (he said he was joking) :

Him: "I had a great weekend with my kids."
Me: "I'd have probably had a great weekend with your kids too."
Him: "Aw come on. You like your kids."
Me: "Just what would give you that idea?"
Him, staring at me trying to figure out if I'm joking.
Me: "I like other peoples kids. Mine? That's another thing."

Tonight, while in transit to pick up CU-4, I met up with the Ball Hockey Canteen Den Mother who started going at me, telling me that the world needs more parents like me. Like what? Like huh? Me? Nah.

And this weekend, one of my bestest friends from grad school called me, out of the blue, and went on about me. Good grief. You'd think I was Josie or something! ;-)

Happy

Happy birthday Margaret!

Happy birthday American! Happy Independence Day American cousins!

Blogging has been light. Life is meh. Laundry, and a lot of rain (so so much for the reinstatement of clothes lines in my part of the world).

It's amazing the basic pleasures that I'm enjoying with the less soap operaish life. The Huz finished the stairs leading to the back door and now we have a most enjoyable place to just sit and be and watch the children act like squirrels on speed.

I'm taking a lot of pictures and am jamming up files at home and work. They're just not getting farther then being put into the junk drawer on my desk top. It's that kind of time I'm going through. There are other things to distract me, and paperwork, even creative paperwork is for Fall and Winter pursuits.

We're having a light month for pizza nights as the older kids aren't on high rotation. The next one is tomorrow (hint hint Josie ... just in case you do a road trip to Ottawa with WG to visit Rhino). Or Alison, if she'd like a night out with her girls and no cooking!

The next one will be in August. Probably the 18th, which will be the kick-off for the rest of the year (minus the screwy rotation adjustment that occurs in the new year).

Happy Canada Day

And now just because ...

There is something wrong about this:

Summer vacation

Schools out for summer. The two older kids go off on the first leg of their summer adventure. Little red "turtle eyes" abound.

I'm kind of looking forward to the downer-time. It just means that I have a 25% greater chance of going to the bathroom ALONE or without having to ref a fight from the throne. (The Huz picks up the slack, thus not a greater percentage.)

I'll also have some time to go hunting for library books that have found themselves wedged into the most interesting places (I think I've previously outed my children as being part squirrel).

And maybe I'll get around to the neglected victory garden, though I think I should try and cut my losses and open a free for all to the skunk who uses the yard as a free way every night.

While they're gone, life will go on. I've got a show at a local coffee shop, and it's getting positive feedback. I'm volunteering for our community fun run through the neighborhood. I'm also taking up some activist causes that have a short shelf-life (to match my current attention span).

And for spice in my life? On going parking war issue (parents of the daycare in the neighborhood park North on the East side of the street - that's parking backwards on the correct side of the road) that just got escalated when the representative from the counselor's office that we were working with outed me and The Huz (not that we really were hiding) by sharing our names and e-mail addresses.

I've been more or less careful about when and were I post my email address since experiencing stalking behaviors from The Ex. It showed lack of judgment on the senders part to include the email addresses and even more so, our names. Stay tuned for stories of by-law being used to retaliate. Weee.

Alas, that's a mere distraction for what's happening over in Josie's world.

When I stop and try to mope about my sheet, I get distracted by her story. What a freaking year since I lucked out and followed her id back to her site. (BTW she writes well, and is very witty, and it worth going back a bit to read earlier posts.)

What a difference a year makes.

Grape vines

It's a weird four days away. I've come back to a warped version of the world.

I'm in a cross-roads of interpretation with one friend. Interpretation of events are considerably different. Makes me wonder who's universe I'm living in. I had to ask my dear Huz about a comment made, that I believe pertains to me: that I hold grudges. Now he's agreeing with my friend about this, so I had to look up the word in Websters, that states: "to be unwilling to give or admit : give or allow reluctantly or resentfully". Huh. I wouldn't have used those words to describe me at all. (Except for three instances we agree on, and another instance I voluntarily admit to, and in each of those instances, the person came after me through my children.) So, to the friend who is flirting with dumping the friendship. Do what you must do. Let me know if you ever want to come back and play in the same pool.

In another weird turn of grapes on the vine, The Huz was talking to him Mom who gets a day pass from the hospital to test the waters at home, and see how she can manage. It's a good thing to because Grandpa is having his later-life crisis now that he's living life like a cat and is counting on extra lives. Apparently he's gone out and got his ear pierced. WTF is all I can say about that one. I guess there's another store we can shop at now for his Christmas present.

While we're in the WTF mode, a fellow blogger, whom I count as one of my friends, is going through a significant, earth shifting period in her life. It's a "holy crap" moment and I'm very very sorry for it. Though I haven't been through the exact same thing she and her BFF are going through, I can relate. I had a very close friend who went through the same scenario. I'm sorry you're going through this. I can still recommend coming to Ottawa. We've got lots of amenities and support, if things go that far.

June 20

Their point of view:


Mine:


Need I say more?

Insane

If you follow Miss Vicky's blog, you'll know where I've been running around to for the last couple of weeks. There's a lot going on in my community and, for the most part, I love it. The downside is that laundry and the cat-hair dust rhinos just don't get attended to.

Last week I was on course for the entire week. Lucky me. In many ways. I have a great employer who sees value in education and is open to trying some new things after some one has consumed the kool-aid of the day. Last weeks was all about facilitation. It took five days of discussing what markers to use, how to rip paper, and how to lead people through a chat about how to do things!

I'm being flippant about the subject. It really was an exceptional course. For people who don't feel comfortable leading a group in discussion, TAKE THIS COURSE. For people who need to try to direct a group of people to come to consensus



(sometimes its like herding cats), TAKE THIS COURSE.

It was good. Actually, great, as courses go. With applicable processes! (I spent the better part of today trying to figure out how to integrate parts of the techniques into how I do my job currently. The first test comes Thursday when I get to take a group of people through a review of work that's already been done on their project and conduct a gap analysis.) Thrilling stuff by the sounds of it eh? Well, for me it is.

Downside? I'm taking Friday off.

Schools out for summer!

Boo versus Yah

Alison over at Party of three is having a cheerfest of the good and the bad. She's asked for an update on her reader's status. Seeing that that pile of laundry hasn't shifted from my kitchen table in about four days (it's a bit like the magic pile that never goes down, but the colors have changed), and I've been burning candles towards the middle, and like every year, I keep forgetting about the end of the school year, I'm posting my response.

There's WestFest AND Le Frano both going on. Yay.

I don't know if I'll attend either. Boo.

***

I got my lawn mowed and the garden tended a bit (yes, bylaw doesn't have to come by and site me!) Yay.

***

My eldest daughter told me about a sleep over she's having a school tomorrow and has asked that I make cookies, from scratch. Yay for her.

***

I didn't know about the sleep over because she transfers to her other home tomorrow - aka the cone of silence. Boo.

***

This last week has been a rough one. My FIL and MIL both have been hospitalized. MIL the great has been out for a couple of weeks in traction with a broken femur. FIL gave us a good scare when his health went down very very quickly. The Huz and I were worried that we were on a death watch. The details were frightening (and involved some pretty serious tests). All boo.

The Huz talked to MIL the great tonight. She's going to still be in the hospital for another six weeks. Double-boo for boredom.

FIL? He's being sent home tomorrow. Hoo-ray for fast recovery, with no foreseeable damage to his internal organs. Yay.

***

I have Monday off. Yay.

I have to spend the day running back and forth between the kid's school collecting bedding and food and eventually our summer boarder - aka Bingo/Bibi the rabbit. (Last year we had birds. I won't do birds again thank you).

I'll also be doing an installation of some of my photography at a local coffee shop. Yah.

So, for the most part - it's a pretty good dose of yays, if I can just stay awake long enough to enjoy it all!

A familiar site

Table for nine please

As I type this, my kitchen is running amok with 9 pre-pubescent girls who are going to be here for another 20 hours. Yes. It's a 24-hour birthday marathon for CU-2. CUs 1, 3 and 4, and The Huz have been banished to the Northern regions until such time as the coast is clear.

Four hours down. So far so good.

7:30 and it's party games, gossip and hot

It's freaking hot. About 27 outside. A bit warmer in the house as it retains it's heat. I have no idea how these girls are going to sleep tonight, or maybe that's the point ... they just don't.

I'm working on having a headache - probably stress related - as I'm worried about the party and the next hours to go well. Parties were never my forté. I only had the one friends party as a kid and the memory of that one still makes me cringe (I invited several boys and only one showed up. The girls teased him so much he went home early. He'd been my best friend and of every one there I wanted his company the most.)

To this day my parties don't often turn out well. Well, at least not like the rocking parties I hear about or occasionally attend.

This one is going well so far and CU-2 is happy. She's received a pride of Webkinz. If I can hold her off from entering them all, she can have a long, happy playing life well into 2015.

It's June! Woo hoo

Well, not really. CU-4 aka Chew-ba-boy has shared the love once again. I've got an itchy throat and body aches at every point where things connect.

To make matters more interesting, between chasing him around to do the perpetual nose wipe, and trying to complete this entry, I'm running behind him as he slowly takes apart the house.

The funny thing is I can appreciate the fine dusting of flour across the floor. The foot prints left behind are the results of a wordless, beautiful story.

Or, maybe that's the drugs talking!

Vacation? What vacation

With only a couple of weeks left of school, I've being going over the details of vacation dates and working the line to coordinate coverage to reduce child care costs (when 1/2 of my salary goes to child care, I look for places where I might be able to save a bit!)

I thought I had it all figured out, then WHAM! I'd forgotten about CU-4's care giver who, of course, gets a summer and winter break! With luck, our weeks overlap a bit. It still means that there's got to be a bit of dancing because The Huz is taking off one of his two weeks jointly with the family, though he'll be working on a construction project while I'm at the Mothership's cottage (keeping the kids away from The Zone).

The next week of vacation he's going to take off to be with the kids while I go back to work. So much for R&R eh?

Then we tag off yet again. I go into camp mode again, and possibly back out to the cottage. All is well and good until I actually figured out that "Ta" as CU-4 calls her, is actually on vacation one week longer then our vacation. Oh ratz!

That means I've got to find care for him or take the week off while CUs 1 and 2 are with their father. It's a lighter load, but not particularly how I'd want to spend a week.

Where's CU-3 in all of this you might ask? Well, Monday next we'll confirm her entrance schedule into school. Yes SCHOOL! (queue the music)




Evil Maman alert here! I've ALREADY bought new school shirts to add into the mix, and have dug out the uniforms for NEXT FALL! Though, really, it was because it was in the way of the impending construction zone. Oh yes. That's it!

Run Forrest run!

It's race weekend where I am and we're billeting a runner who's taking on the half-marathon this weekend.

In talking with him, I was mentioning about how I wished I could do what he's about to do. That got us into a very interesting, those twisted discussion about performance training, laziness and
other sundry excuses (kids being the biggest of them all!)

I am in awe of those to pursue things of which they are passionate about. I struggle with it. In fact, I joke about being a reformed smoker. Well yes, I was one once. It was all tied to working late nights and going out for coffee and a donut at Tim Hortons (when they allowed smoking in the store). I think I lasted all of six weeks of Monday nights then got bored. This side of my personality is kind of sad really (though it also serves as a great joke about Crack addition and how I think I'm immune!).

Doing the rounds

Cripes! A whole week since I last blogged.

I just got back from two days at the mothership's cottage. It was a little bit restful. We had a lot of rain and a lot of cooler weather. That didn't stop me and CU-4 from making a break to the pocket beach to build a few castles. Alas, that's when my camera's battery decided it was tired and needed a recharge. Oh well.

For those of you traveling through the Pontiac area, stop on by to take a peak at Zephr-Rose's studio. She's offered a corner of the space to put up a live pick-up-and-poke site for some of the coop's products. She's also got some one of a kind drawings and prints that she's made for sale.

I called it, didn't I?

And I quote:

"From this day, CU-1 and CU-2 will no longer attend after school care while in our care. XXX and XXX have been advised of this change."

I figure I've got six more years.

Just makes me sad.

Oh, and on top of that CU-1 spent an hour crying about a Social Studies test he's going to have Thursday. He told himself over and over and over again that he was going to fail. How do you beat that logic?

I know other's have it hard. Days like this make me want to push the easy button and say "Dear X, you want him to badly. Here you go."

The Huz's comments to my sentiments? "You think long and hard about that one." It seems like the fight has gone out of him too.

Funk

I finally got a chance to do my rounds after a stupidly nutty week of getting stuff together for an photography exhibition, getting CU-3 and 4's room ready for habitation (a LOT of late nights), and then all the kids are home this weekend.

We've also been checking in on Grandma Tim who took a tumble last week and broke her femur.

The tour was distraction 'cause now I'm having a Church of Latter Day Saints moment (remember those commercials about changing the crappy into something different/better?). Meg started it by sharing her list. Josie's mood has prompted me to go nostalgic with



And now I'm play it continually until I've got three kids rolling their eyes and dancing around with me. So Josie, I invite you to play the funk for what it's worth.

Oh, and happy Mother's Day!

Come on rain

So tonight is supposed to rain. I say bring it on. ANYTHING to drive me in doors to startfinish my chores.

For the last week I've been working outside to move the fence out to the property line, to clean up the yard of winter detritus, to think of planting, and to walk around putting flyers up about the many many initiatives I have going. I'm hoping things clear up so that I can post flyers about a weekend show I'm having at a gallery, just in time for Mother's Day.

Then there is the painting. OMG how I hate painting. But, it's the last of the last of things to do for CU-3 and 4. Then I can clear out the crap from the older CU-s rooms and life can resemble some sort of normalcy. Yahoo.

Dora

Ok - so we made it through the Super Dora party that CU-3 ordered.

I pushed the easy button (or so I thought at the time) and had the party organized through one of those give-me-your-credit-card-number-and-I'll-
give-you-a-supervised-and-coordinated-
party-for-a-zillion-dollars.

Well, CU-3 and nine of her closest daycare buddies met at the community centre that was hosting the event for us. THAT was a good idea, because half of the invitees were boys. And boy where they BOYS! (Picture trying to bath cats. Six of them.) There was swimming, with a supervisor and almost every kid with their parent in the water. (Only the father of the "Group of seven" and I left The Huz to guard over the masses (remember - there was a coordinator there too, and seven other adults in the water, PLUS three life guards!).)

The swimming just wasn't enough to poop out anyone, especially CU-3's love interest since they were both 1 year old. (This is a romance that's been going on for three years now.)

The hand-off to the next activity coordinator happened after the kids were dried off. The poor girl had the right idea, but the wrong kids. We'd all have been better off taking them outside to the playground for an hour. Her games were about as successful as trying to catch wild rabbits.

Thankfully we made it to the cake part of things and the kids accepted my version of Super Dora.

Thank goodness for four year olds. They certainly don't care about aesthetics.

Oh, and seeing that her real birthday isn't for another week, I get to make cupcakes to mark that date too!

Another meme

Many thanks to Speak into the Mike for continuing the tag and to Houdini for opening the invite. (I don't get around much, so this is fun stuff when I stumble across it!)

This is a familiar one that goes like this:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

Six random things about me
1. I owe Speak into the Mike thanks for leading the way on discussing his photography course. It got me going to find something local.
2. I can freehand a kick-ass Scooby Doo cake, but Dora comes out looking a bit odd.
3. I thought my hair was auburn. I found out the color is actually Amber Shimmer (according to Ms Clairol).
4. I've lost .25 of an inch since having four children (I guess my spin has compressed).
5. Despite making my living as a writer for the last 13 odd years, I struggled with grammar and parts of speech all my life. I attribute part of my success to Mrs. Spinney who was my home room and English teacher in Grade 7. Without her, her 3:15 club, and her belief in me, I would probably would have become a plumber after university.
6. I wanted to become a plumber but was such a home body that the idea of leaving home for trade school (a whole TWO HOURS) away scared me. So instead, I applied and made it into graduate school two provinces away. Go figure.

Now I leave the randomness to fate. (I'm lousy with chain letters too.)

Let me know if any of you pick up the stick and run with it!

One word answers

Here's a meme from Wrecking Crew. I thought it was a great challenge.

One word answers please!

1.Where is your mobile phone? purse
2.Your significant other? couch
3.Your hair? frizzy
4.Your mother? cottage
5.Your father? far
6.Your favorite thing? laughter
7.Your dream last night? dream?
8.Your favorite drink? dunno
9.Your dream/goal? success
10.The room you’re in? dark
11.Your ex? close :(
12.Your fear? broken
13.Where do you want to be in 6 years? here
14.Where were you last night? here
15.What you’re not? thin
16.Muffins? two
17.One of your wish list items? physical
18.Where you grew up? Maritimes
19.The last thing you did? lunches
20.What are you wearing? jammies
21.Your TV? large
22.Your pets? many
23.Your computer? mediocre
24.Your life? happy
25.Your mood? crispy
26.Missing someone? yes
27.Your car? car?
28.Something you’re not wearing? parka
29.Favorite Store? neighborhood
30.Your summer? aaaaahhhhh
31.Like someone? yes
32.Your favorite color? blue
33.When is the last time you laughed? morning
34.Last time you cried? recently

The clean and the dirty of it

Ok. It's time for a poop story. I don't think I've posted one here before. If I have, this is the updated version.

A long time ago, oh, about three years now, when CU-3 could start taking shared bathes with CU-2, things went well. It was a good form of water conservation. All went well until CU-3 started making deposits in the bathwater. Eventually, she was banned for co-sharing tub water.

Speed forward three years. CU-4 has graduated to co-sharing the bathtub with CU-3, with CU-2 being an observer and supervisor now. All is well ... until ...

"Daddy! Daddy! CU-4 has pooped in the tub!"

Papa goes to the first aid kit and hauls out the latex gloves which CU-2 volunteers to wear. "I liked picking up the dog poop when we had a dog" she exclaims.

While she pulls and snaps the gloves onto her hands and fingers, she glances over to the offending matter in the tub "That's not really from CU-4 is it? It's really got to be CU-3's right?"

"No CU-2, it's CU-4s", I replied with awe mixed with disgust.

"No way Mom! That's to big too come out of such a little guy."

And there you have it. Your late Sunday night/welcome Monday morning! poo story.

Muffins and a coffee

Gotta love my neighborhood. It's one of those up-and-coming ones. It was actually written about in one of those in-flight magazines that they pass around on Air Canada.

We're slowly getting known for more then a beaten-up community. We still have more then our share, but that's what makes it interesting.

Like the phone call I got earlier today from The Huz.

He's taken to calling me after he's dropped off the kids, and enjoys the little bit of contact about the eventful or uneventful drop-off he may have had.

The Huz: "How handsome am I?"

Me: "Huh?"

The Huz: "How handsome do you think I am?"

Me: "What are we talking about? ... Well, there is the picture I call "Lord Have Mercy". That one show's you in a particularly good way."

The Huz: "I think I got propositioned."

Me: "Huh?"

The Huz: "It was in front of XYZ. A lady asked me if I wanted to go out for a coffee and a muffin."

Me: "HUH? Was this before or after you dropped off CU-3 and 4?"

The Huz: "Oh before. They were with me."

Me having a WTF moment. "What'd you say?"

The Huz: "Ohhhh, no thank you."

Oh he's sooooo Canadian.

The meme

Beyond stolen ... from Guider and Jen and now Josie and on it goes.

• Where is your cell phone? in my purse, which is in my locker (aka individual closets - it doesn't help get us organized, really)
  
• Your significant other? chasing kids in and out of the house
• Your hair? it's humid, so that'd mean my hair big (think white chick with an afro)
  
• Your mother? at her summer home in Québec
  
• Your father? Washington State
  
• Your favorite thing? candied cherries, kids (sometimes not my own!), Spring time, warm rain, subtle success, good health, my special some some
  
• Your dream last night? that I'd got to sleep earlier
• Your favorite drink? summer time, Cervesa, all other times, room temperature tap water
  
• Your dream/goal? short term (3 years) that the Mirigo Cooperative goes some where (preferably not down the shitter), medium term goal (6 years), to see child unit #1 actually graduate from high school (it's going to be a stretch), long term goal, retire to just two jobs when I'm 65.
  
• The room you’re in? computer room at home
  
• Your ex? What about him?
  
• Your fear? Jail, heights, school principals, stuffed grape leaves
  
• Where do you want to be in 6 years? Still here, with great experiences behind me, loving life with gusto.
  
• Where were you last night? Home. Panicking about silly stuff.
  
• What you’re not? Not sleeping. Not eating smaller meals. Not being patient when it really would be the best thing to do.
  
• Muffins? Oh yes please. I do love my carbs.
  
• One of your wish list items? Success for my kids (particularly CU-1), a car (maybe, someday, peace between the two households. Oh. You said one ... oops.
  
• Where you grew up? Fredericton, New Brunswick was the longest stint in any one ville (16 years)
  
• The last thing you did? Snapped at CU-3 for putting her hands in front of my face (continually) while I'm trying to update my meme
  
• What are you wearing? green t-shirt, capris
  
• Your TV? is in the front room
  
• Your pets? too many - André the harp seal (17 lb cat - his choice, not mine), Papa Le Chat, Purr (another cat that we're fostering), Steve the hamster
  
• Your computer? it's a PC. I'd LOVE a Mac
  
• Your life? not so good that it couldn't be better
  
• Your mood? mixed. Feeling brittle and impatient.
  
• Missing someone? yes ... absent CUs
  
• Your car? in my dreams
  
• Something you’re not wearing? a barrette
  
• Favorite store? Giant Tiger, Old Navy
  
• Your summer? Planned
  
• Like someone? As I get older, I look more like my sister
  
• Your favorite color? 1950s blue
  
• When is the last time you laughed? Maybe yesterday
  
• Last time you cried? A couple of days I let some leak out.
  
• Who will repost this? I dunno.
  

Ratz

So I missed getting a table at Arts Park by two weeks. (The cut off was the end of March.) Ratz.

There are other cultural festivals going on across the city, but they may require more work then I can muster (with a 16 month old probably in tow, it's kind of hard to staff a table, let alone flog wearables).

But, on the other hand, the cooperative and the shop and are just coming to being a week old. Oh I have so many expectations of my offspring! ;-)

On the other most talked about subject - the weather - boy have we got some nice stuff, and in spades. +++ 20 degrees and it's taking people by surprise. So much so that it's becoming a bit of a problem. People don't have their AC up and running and certainly have been slower to put away the winter gear (though not abandon it quite yet).

Today, while visiting a friend for breakfast, she lamented that she enjoys the slower transition from Spring to Summer and that she'd just bought new close toed shoes that she'll get to wear twice now before fall! (I have to secretly agree with here - I just bought myself new sneakers that I want to wear and I don't want to go fishing for my summer sandals just quite yet.)

Sometimes divorce isn't such a bad idea

No really, it has it's good sides.

I've been on a roller coaster this week. Delivered a MONDO project that felt like giving birth or defending a thesis. It was that big. Now I get to coast a bit. Well, at work. At home things are firing off in all directions like the freaking fourth of July.

Today I was approached by the director of the after school program three of my kids go to. She told me that there have been some issues regarding the comportment of the eldest and that they've been escalating. We talked for a while and she reassured me she'd be talking to the kids father (she stressed the father, not the partner ... apparently she too has had his special deflection treatment).

What's stressing me out about this is that I think there's a good likelihood history will repeat itself and he'll make an all encompassing decision to jack the two eldest out of the program and make other arrangements (that being his partner's parents will swoop in and start caring for the children after school as the septuagenarians are moving in with them all).

This is great for the children's father - one more level of people carrying for his children so he doesn't have to deal with them. Possibly lousy for me. School ends at 2:45. Core office hours run at least to 3 and then the fastest I can get from the office to them is 30 minutes ...

So, I've had my panic attack about this already, and have laid out three plausible options of what to do. (One being the kids IS 12 years old and could stay at home alone ... however, he has issues which are the reason we may be having to attend to his premature removal.)

Plans are a good thing. Now it's to sit and wait to see what the father does.

Now, on a good note. I'd been involved in an organization that I believe translates to Parent-Partners in Education. It's an Ontario wide initiative to support families who have one parent who is primarily an English speaker and another parent that is primarily a French speaker and who ultimately decide to school their kids in French. This group has a two-fold aim. Support the English parent who may feel at a disadvantage placing their child in a school where they may not be able to comprehend what's what.

I'd participated in launching the initiative and then the group presentation. Over the summer they changed direction and decided to put together video clips of families with this type of make-up and build a CD and web presence to get the message out broader.

Tonight we were treated like movie stars (on a very small budget). Two camera guys came over and set up in our scratch of a back yard while the kids did tricks for them and we talked about what it's like to be in a "mixed" marriage (the irony being that that was my first marriage, my second is with another Anglophone and *I*'m serving as the French representative!)

So, at some point this fall, we'll be notified that the video (bilingual - the huz in mostly English. Me in my version of French.)

It was a fun experience, something I would never have thought of to do while behind the iron curtain of the first marriage (it was very controlled).

A cute moment of the interview? When I was asked what the children would say if they were asked what their language status was (Francophone, Anglophone, or something else). I suggested she ask that question of CU-2 who replied "I was born a Francophone, but now I'm bilingual.) CU-1 said he was a Franco-anglophone. My goofie boy brings tears of pride to my eyes!

Back to arg

Holy moly, how many times do I turn to the web to whine?

Let's borrow one from Meg and write up a list ...

Things I'd like to do this week:

. sell my children to the circus
. sell my project manager to the circus
. open my window at work (I'm on the 11th floor) and pitch my desk top computer out (it's a construction site next door, the guys are wearing hard hats, so no one would be harmed in the process)
. clone myself

My kids have been bad. Very very bad this week. Cats and dogs get along more harmoniously.
The older two have been concocting science experiments in their lockers at school. And, lucky Mom! I get to clean out their lockers there, as well as pick up after them at home. Oh joy. Don't I feel fulfilled now?

My project manager at work. In his defense, he did go away to a warm, sunny spot for a week during a major snow dump, and right before that happened, the project I'm working on was transferred to his domain, but that was a freaking five weeks ago! Wake up and smell the mangos man! Today, while in a status meeting, he asks for a run down of where we were as there's a client meeting tomorrow. Besides my sharp retort "Um, the board room?", I was able to confidently identify that I'm good to go. Afterwards, in order to line up ducks for this meeting, I talked to him about details of the project, only to find out that 1. he's looking at version 5 of the document (I released that back in February and we're on version 13 now!), and 2. he's never read the thing. Ok. It is 135 pages, but over 1/2 are freaking pictures!!

Which segways nicely into my next point - my desktop computer. The actual punting of this computer out the window wouldn't do much good as it's the archaic software applications that are running on the computer. Microsoft Word 2000 - ring any bells any one? I hear we're supposed to be getting an update. My guess is it'll be Microsoft Word 2003 and that will come through in, oh, about 3 years.

Regarding cloning myself. I think I need an inside me and an outside me. The outside me wants to poke around a bit in the garden, do some general tidying and some subversive trash dissemination. The inside me wants to clean.

Geeze. It must be Spring!

I did it! I did it!

A full two weeks + before my self-imposed deadline, I've taken the plung and have set up shop with mirigo.etsy.com and mirigo.esty.com! (Sorry! You'll have to cut and paste these addresses into your browser address. There seems to be a problem linking at this time.)

I'm very excited about working in the cooperative model. The other artists and artisans will add their wares to the sites as they are created, so there will be new things coming on board regularly.

May I cordially invite you to take a peak and offer comments please. I'd like to hear the good, the bad and the ugly. ;-)

We are not a day care

This morning, while trying to herd cats, a young lady tried to come into our house. When I opened the door she said she was here to get Malcolm from the kinder program.

When I told her she wanted the day care across the street, she started to argue with me that SHE was in the right place.

Sigh. I know I have a lot of kids, and, now that the snow is melting, the yard is littered with plastic that never did get picked up last winter, that doesn't make me a day care though!

Burning the candle towards the middle

Ok, so I've got 21 days to get my act together to get things loaded to what's going to be a cooperative of artists and artisans who need an outlet to sell their wares, but aren't necessarily technologically connected to do so or lack the drive for self-promotion - all fairly common to the creatives of this world.

The co-op that will be at mirigo.etsy.com (there! I've finally said it!) will provide access to double the options for payment then the sister site I've developed, over at mirigo.weebly.com.

Mirigo.weebly.com is allowing me a bit more flexibility to posts information that really doesn't have a place on mirigo.etsy.com.

Mirigo.weebly.com is now up now, and content (read products) are being added as the artists create. The What's new page provides you with the quickest overview of what's been added to the site in recent days.

I'm hoping to run the two sites in tandem, with mirigo.weebly.com providing a depth of service that's a bit deeper then the shop site.

Enjoy.

It's 10 o'clock and alllllllssss wellllll

It's only Wednesday night and I've been fighting the good fight with flu/allergies/what-ever-the-hell-is-going around. Oh well.

Meanwhile, DH has been banging his way to building CU-3 and 4 a better bedroom. This means I've been left to my own devices, and laundry, and child rearing.

Most of the time it's not an issue. Being sick for a couple of weeks has put me behind on house keeping (those of you who have seen my house will be asking yourselves "and the difference is ...?").

CU-1 and 2 come home tomorrow night - a whole day early because of the blasted PD days that come like sprinklings of sugar throughout the year. So, that just kind of compounds to the chaos as there is their laundry (that still hasn't been processed). My laundry, his laundry and other people's laundry. That's a whole lot of laundry.

Which causes me to panic a bit. Just a teeny, tiney bit. 'Cause I feel like I'm stealing time if I bother to work on my Etsy shop. Though, it is coming ... May 1 people!

Oh, and then there's Spring. Who thought that Spring was a good time to start things, like gardens, and cleaning, and being outside? I mean really - those distractions are distracting me from getting my business started! And from doing laundry. I mean really people. After such a crappy winter, why couldn't we get a few good rainy days (I said rain - no more white stuff) so that I could catch up on the laundry, and vacuuming, and maybe, just maybe start on the clothing rotation for six people.

Alas, it's 10 o'clock and all is pretty good at this end. Nothing a good bout of delegation wouldn't solve. (If only there was some one who I could delegate too! ;-)

Home based what???!!

Ok, so panic is setting in. (I'm thinking about the comments of encouragement you readers have left.)

I've got ideas that are crammed in my head and they just won't get out. I've got technology issues to attend to, and an absentee spouse who has been holded up in CU-3 and 4's bedroom making it super nice for them but at a loss to me for the last three weeks. (He works slowly v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y). Doesn't help that upon the heels of that nasty flu, I've now got an allergic reaction.

Complain, complain, whine, whine, whine, this too shall pass.

I just need to cram a few more hours in the day, or give up bathing ... ;-)

My goal is to have the virtual shop up by May 1. It's coming! I promised myself!

Time for a real post

It's just after midnight Thursday. I'm not having an attack of insomnia like I did this morning (I've been up since 4ish).

Last night as I tossed and turned and turned and tossed, I was thinking about all the things I could be doing differently. March was a bad/watershed month. I wrestled with a bit of seasonal depression - there really is just so much snow a girl can take. Now April is upon us and, even though the weather really hasn't changed that much, something inside of me is undergoing a tremendous shift. I am compelled to feel joyful.

Yah yah, how long can this last before I go back on a complaint jag, I ask myself. I'm trying to not be so pessimistic about it all. I'm trying to use the insomniac energy for good. I'm trying to get off my laurels and do something about lots of things that have been like a burr under the saddle. Like many bloggers reporting right now, weight is a weighty issue. So, I'm kind of trying to be more present about consumption, and do so in a more meaningful manner. Can't hurt.

I'm trying to be more present on several areas of my life. One is to build a side-income source. I've got the idea. I've got some motivation. I don't have the where-with-all to cover come technology issues, though I may be able to hobble something together between www.etsy.com and my limited knowledge of HTML. What I'm hoping to do is to move on the creative bent I have and flower my entrepreneurial spirit. This is where living four days away from my mother-in-law is a bad, bad thing.

Anyway - stay tuned readers (all three of you). I may ask a favor of you to borrow your email network for a "grand opening" announcement. (Staying up for almost 24 hours straight has to be good for something!)

Miracle of evolution

What card are you?

You are the World

Completion, Good Reward.

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.

The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you've been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you've done everything right.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Days lost

I'm digging myself out of the cavernous space I've made in my bed for the last five days to get to technology to renew my library books. How's that grab you? I've been laboriously sick for almost two weeks now - off work since Wednesday afternoon and what's the first thing that comes to my semi-lucent mind - OMG the FINES! THE FINES!

I'm also doing a quick round of email, blogs and the like, just to make sure I'm not too far behind when I finally come out of the fog (apparently this could go one for another week or so).

I got this meme from Josie who got it from Major Bedhead who had tagged her. It's the Six Words meme and is based on the Not Quite What I Had Planned memoir, put out by Smith Magazine.

Here are the rules:

1) Write your own six word memoir;
2) Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like;
3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere;
4) Tag at least five more blogs with links; and
5) Don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

Here's mine: I need more good drugs now.

BTW - CU-4 and I did take a morning run to the clinic - apparently he's worse of then me - blown ear drum. I've got a sinus infection. We're both on the same medication for the next 10 days.

Oh, and I tag PC, if she's willing to play.

Date night

Many of my readers (all four of you) have noted that The Huz and I indeed had a date night. Alas, we ARE the original old married couple stuck in younger peoples bodies. And, the fun we had Saturday night is now being paid for royally.

While CU1 and 2 are off cavorting with their father, CU-3 (patient zero), and CU-4 (patient zero.five) have successfully recreated the perfect laboratory in which to exercise the classic "Lord of the Flies" experiment (read, they've successfully contaminated Maman and Papa is showing the classic symptoms - low grade fever, burning lungs, achy muscles - all of which he attributes to demolishing and rebuilding his kids bedroom over the weekend (it's an old house people!)).

Maman, with the help of her friendly pharmacist and happy little yellow day pills and cute itty bitty blue pills for night is trying to rebound. Apparently the instructions on the box should include the following side effects: may appear drunk to coworkers (that is, you can not walk a straight line to the kitchen for a cup of joe), you may phase out frequently in meetings (that might not be a side effect though), and productivity is questionable. Still, it makes everyone around you look like shinny, happy people!

And with that, I, once more must regal you all in potty talk. I've dug out the CD this



song is one and have set it on repeat for CU-4s night time lullabye!

Rocks and trees and trees and rocks

Saturday night gave me an opportunity to go out with The Huz on a pseudo-date. Considering that we just don't date well (we co-habitat really well though), it was almost the usual.

Dinner out was pleasant, at a place I wanted to go to for our anniversary dinner. (I'd like to note that I must stop watching Restaurant Makeover, it's making me hyper critical of my random eating-out experiences.)

Afterwards, we walked a couple of miles along the bus route to the junction, thinking we'd see a schedule bus pass. Alas, not on this route - it has a reputation that it lives up to.

We did make our connection and did make it out to the theatre where we made it with 10 minutes to spare/stand in line for the pre-theatre bathroom break. The Good Lovlies opened for The Arrogant Worms.

It was our first viewing of a Worms concert and was well worth the money. We know their music so well that it becomes a bit of a sing along at different points.

Here's one that we love


(Good example of what prairie kids do for fun!

And this is the posts name sake:

Happy Easter

For those of you who are mobile and *are not* suffering from the respiratory illness that's making the rounds, Hoppy Easter. For the rest of you/us, "hey", and you can go back to bed now. See you Tuesday. ;-)

Spring has sprung

Well, it's officially spring, and, well, we're officially below average in temperature. This is causing me, in short, to be short tempered.

I've gone through the February blues. Now I just want the bleep-bleeep-bleep-bleeeeeping cold weather to go away.

Yah yah to living in Canada and all that. Geeze, I got laughed at when I mentioned that the tulip festival is about five weeks away. Sure, it sounds a bit unrealistic, I thought to myself as I turned the corner on the car dealership in my neighborhood and spotted the Mita's buried in snow.

The cold makes me tired. It also has made me house bound as 2 out of 4 children are sick (fever, and lots of laundry-producing stuff). The positive? I got a delicious nap in this afternoon until a touring evangelist decided it was important that I receive a personal invitation to join him and 400 of his closest friends at an auditorium to celebrate Jesus' death and resurrection.

Well, I was pissed for having my dream broken into and didn't find my glasses, so I was double-scowling, and him being a man, didn't hear about the broken nap - though I'd have happily foisted a screaming child on him, if neither had not also zonked out. So, upon receiving the invite, I closed the door on him and I did what I thought was best - I left the invite for my pagan husband and crawled back into bed for another 15 minutes of slumbering warmth.

Mmmmm. I love afternoon nappies! I'm sooooo jealous of cats. Cats have the BEST life.

I hate March

I don't use the word hate lightly, or often. I was raised saying that it was too strong a word.

I hate March.

I've got a case of the blahs.
I'm frustrated with the mountain of snow and long for just a little bit of warmth from the sun.
I didn't take a break in March. I'm a mother to four children and I care about my relationship with my spouse. There is no such thing as vacation for me for the next, oh, 25 years.

As I right this, CU-4, who should be in bed, like, an hour a go, is trying to help me type. He's just come in with his bounty from rearranging the recycling.

I've not completed my blog rounds, which keep me sane. I got as far as Raise the Wrecking Crew's blog and then had to go and yell at the kids to complete basic self care.

Sorry WC, I think you opened a can of worms when you asked what was frustrating me. I should have given you the Coles Notes version and said "March".

To pass it along, and give equal opportunity to you all, what is bugging you? Confessional is now open.

Oh, and for any of you who feel that you could use a bit of TLC, drop me a line - I'm still looking for pay it forward candidates.

G-nome project

And here are the results this morning.

Handiwork

This is the middle part of a clown costume I started making just before 7:00 p.m. I finished just before 10:00 p.m. (There's a hat to go with it.)

CU-3 is at daycare this week, and the March break theme is Circus. Wednesday (tomorrow) she's supposed to come dressed up. Could she pick a costume that we'd already had a base for? NoooooOOOooo. So, Maman got it all together (minus the clown shoes, I ran out of steam there) the night before ... amazing.

I think I'm continuing a rather bad precedent don't you think? (Mamans the white knight who will save them from presentation/project hell!?)

There's another bad side effect I hadn't considered, my kids are going to start to think that I actually like them!! :D)

All in all, it turned out pretty good, and it was a good distraction. (I'll try to get a picture of CU-3 in full regalia.

Words don't matter

Arg. I really don't like it that I have fewer and fewer happy stories to regale the few readers I have.

My latest one comes from my ex-spouse who sends me an email Friday night saying "Surprise! I'm taking our kids out of province. We'll be back Wednesday late."

I first hear about this when I try to leave a message on the other home's answering machine to tell her a friend has called. The person left-behind informs me of the status of my children, and there begins the unraveling of the evening.

Emails go back and forth. I'm forthright saying that the agreement states that for a 72 hour absence the absentee parent is required to provide the other parent with travel details. I'm told "oh... do we have to go that far ...?"

I ask again, could you just provide me with the travel details - car, train or plane and the addresses they're staying at. I get some of the information (not where they're staying overnight at the 1/4 way point, and not a land line telephone number). And I get CAPITAL LETTERS showing me how pissed I've made the fellow.

Sigh. I'm getting verbally crucified for wanting to take the children to the neighboring State for a day trip (not even 3 hours in the States!) to pick up some traveling relatives, and they can't provide me with the basics of where I kids will be.

Derfwads!

The double-standards have left me with a face-ache that's been running for three-weeks now.

On top of it all, I've had a child who's had a meltdown and has asked me to provide assistance with communication to the other household regarding living arrangement preferences. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.

What to do. I'd like to get counseling for the child, but can't do this without the father's consent. (I'm thinking that might help her diffuse the situation from her end of things, and/or help her find a voice to speak her mind to fix the situation, what ever it is.) The likelihood of getting consent is about the same odds of me winning the 649, providing I play. (Though there is the Kids Phone Helpline.)

I've been asked by a number of people whom I've asked for advice, what happens if she just refuses to go ... good question. I don't know what that would mean to me, to the child who is well under the age of 16).

Dear readers, do you know any one who's been in a similar position who's made it through whole?

I love blogs

OMG do I love blogs. I've almost given up TV completely in order to spend my bit of free time between making lunches, preparing for the next day, and well, these days, shoveling snow.

I've found a bunch of new blogs that are thought provoking, interesting, fun to read (and really, these are just a few of the dozen or so I'm trying to get around to... As I find people around me get distracted and move on to other things and other cycles, I'm building a virtual world that I really appreciate having.

As other bloggers say, it's hard to make the rounds of everyone, and sometimes I just stop posting (usually because I have nothing/nothing new to say, so I go back to lurker status).

To all of you who don't know I read your stuff, I say THANK YOU. I feel much more connected, and this is a good thing.

And it keeps on going

Just when I think something is going to shift, it does ... on to me. I hoisted myself out from under a pile of shit at work, and, well, another comes shifting over. The friendship I thought I was loosing, I think is going under for the third time. It's within range of me seeing, but I can't save it.

As a survivor of the down/right/out sizing/sourcing catastrophe, it's hard to watch everything crashing around me in slow motion.

I'm angry about everything. My psoriasis is spreading (this is a really bad canary in the coal mines for me. It means I'm very upset, and it's not coming out in the right way).

I miss my friend.

And so it goes, and so it goes

It's been a rough day at work. I've been asked to do something a soon-to-be displaced colleague/friend was to do.

I asked a question about the formerly assigned project because I just don't understand what's the problem and wanted to do knowledge transfer. Badly placed question. And now I think I've lost a friend, possibly two.

The big "Y"

Josie asks "Why would it take so long for the kids to get a message".

Can I take this opportunity for a slight side jaunt and mention that when I've mailed something to the kids, they've mysteriously never received them, though if a reimbursement cheque is mailed to the same address, in the same week its cashed. Go figure.

So, back on track, and to Josie's question - *I* don't know.

The actions of the adults in that household kind of speak for themselves eh?

Eating away at me

I had to go out tonight, to an event that I was only 1/2 interested in. I kinda-sort of left early because the second speaker came on and mentioned a dirty word: facets.

Well, ok. It's not a dirty word to most - those (three) of you who follow taxonomy issues will understand what a real headache this can be. The presenter was talking about facets in terms of how they can be used in indexing. I didn't like the way things were going, so I buggered out.

I came home to two telephone messages from my CU-2 who is currently at her father's, aka The Cone of Silence, until Friday. It's so irregular that I get ANY calls from either child, that because I got two, in the same night, it makes me worry. She asked me to call her back ... tonight ... tomorrow ... well, I'm on the road as of 7:15, if not earlier, tomorrow morning. She may or probably won't get the message until, oh ... Thursday night as she goes to bed, which is usually when the adults in that household pass along messages. So ... I'm hoping it's just an issue about passing along a Webkinz code, as per her request to me as I passed through the school grounds to get CU-3.

Tears

Ok. It's been a couple of weeks since posting something for Jonathan's BlogFriday. I really really like the idea of BlogFriday. Since going back to work, I've been having troubles making all the rounds, doing all the postings, and keeping up with the pile of laundry at home.

BUT, Johnathan has posted a word I know a lot about - tears.

So, here's the latest tears story. Last weekend we got access to the Mothership's car while she and Grandpa D head to warmer places. With the car, we have our regular obligations - go to their place pick up the mail, water the cat and pick them up at the end of their trip.

Having a car at our disposal is very different. It means that we're running longer-distance errands, and doing some fun stuff that we only do when the Grands go on their yearly trip. So, last week we went to a special toy store. This is the brain-version of toy stores, the good-for-you-educational-toy style of stores. I love it. It sure beats the one trip (ever) I did to Toys 'R' Us, oh, about 12 years back.

I took the two older CU-s there as they have a better selection of mother-approved toys. CU-3 found her area of expertise pretty quickly. Narrowing the decision took longer, a lot longer. But, there I left her to battle it out and discuss the benefits of each with one of the helpful mom-substitutes they have wandering the store.

CU-4 had a harder mission. He wanted a laser.

As a side bar story - DH is the Health and Safety officer for a well known employer in our community. He'd just spent the previous weekend drafting safety policy for the use of lasers as his work ... can you see a conflict building here?

CU-1 found another mother-substitute and started talking to her about this particular laser he'd seen the previous year that I'd brought him to the store (note: it's only when the Grandparents are out of town do we make this trip. It's that special.)

The mother-substitute was very helpful and even ignored my regular eye-rolling and attempts to insert myself into the conversation.

Eventually she figured out that the laser kit that he was looking for was all sold out and a hot item for the winter of 2006.

I packed up the unhappy CU-1 and the ecstatic CU-2 who finally made her choices and made my way through the next errands. CU-1 kept nagging me about going to the fancy-pants toy store more in our neighborhood. By this point in time we were driving home, so it was like, ok. We'll go. I dropped him off at the corner and parked the car.

By the time CU-2 and I made it into the house, he'd grown confident in his quest, found a clerk and made his request known. While they didn't have it in that store, they had it in a sister store. (It being freezing rain that day, I asked if they could transfer it to this store.)

In the car, I turned around to see this pre-adolescent CU-1 crying. "What's up?" I asked, thinking I'd done something horribly wrong.

"Rein, Maman." he responded.

They were tears of joy ...

Good things

Good things are happening I just haven't had the time to get to the computer to share them.

The baby is making quacking noises in kitchen. DH is making fresh Belgian waffles and I'm going for massagies (therapeutic massage that keeps me upright) in about an hour.

I've been notified of winning first place in a neighborhood photo competition and I got an amazing performance review at work.

My Lenten efforts, though tentative, are making in roads into the cultural scene here - people are starting to remember me or stuff that I've posted/dropped off (though I was told by one gallery owner photography doesn't sell - I'm ok with that. It's not my intent to sell, it's just a very nice side affect).

The sun is shining. It's not too cold outside. And it's Saturday - a break in the five-day routine. Yeah to laundry! Yah to Saturday swimming classes and errands and taking out the garbage. Yeah to Saturday morning waffles and massagies, and diapers that need changing.

Yeah.

Pay it Foward

Soon I'll be the recipient of a box o' fun from Josie, down the line.

It's part of a Pay it Forward amongst bloggers and the rules go something like this: as long as you're willing to pass along the bounty to another blogger, you get to play. Like Josie, I'll happily send along a box of wonder to three people who post their interest in playing along. Leave a note in the blog. I'll probably take the first three people who choose to leave a response as I think I've got a significantly lower readership then her! ;-) (I'll post a follow-up for the three people.)

Good luck.

10 random facts

Borrowed from Jonathan: a meme where the goal is to write down 10 random things about yourself - goals, peeves, etc.

1. I once went on a ski trip ... and I don't ski.

2. I don't think of my self as having a lot of anxiety right now, but today I was told otherwise.

3. When I was a pre-adolescent, I wanted to be an Irving gas girl.

4. I once gave up anger for Lent.

5. My mother wanted me to be an opera singer.

6. I wish I could be a Chaotic Evil, even if it were just in my spare time.

7. I'd rather load then unload.

8. I wish I had the freedom to move away from here.

9. I have a really bad stationary fetish.

10. I wish I could do more.

Lack of car ownership = handicap!

Coming from a man with a degree in Community Health, so he should know.

"It is important for the children to witness that when people choose not to have a car they are not handicapped towards their responsibilities."

This is from a guy who won't take his children to their sports, arts classes, library, or anything else, unless it was his idea, and on his time (and won't share any information on any programs he may have scheduled for the kids so that they can go with regularity ...). Oh, and it's ok to ask some one to travel 1.5 hours, one way by bus and walking, to drop off something at his house, and he doesn't have the grace to answer the door when the person arrives.

Rinse and repeat this scenario again (there was a second request the night before cross-over - and no one bothered to return that telephone call).

Any one wonder why I am jealous of single mothers?

Just to change the subject

Imagine that ... we're getting snow. What a novel weather pattern! (There's an inside joke here.)

An open letter to the man I loved

Dear XXXX,

Yesterday I received a telephone call from our daughter. She was asking me to deliver the winter coat you bought her to your place.

As I told her, I would bring it to school for drop-off in her locker Monday because she wore a warm coat that she liked to school that day. The big difference besides color? You didn't supply it.

I am sorry for so many things.

I am sorry that I didn't notice she wasn't wearing the other coat when she crossed back into her alternative life.

I am sorry that you made her call.

I am sorry that I had to tell her, as she broke down in tears, that this wasn't a conversation that she and I didn't need to have.

I am sorry that you were too busy to talk to me, even though it was clear that you were standing next to her during the entire conversation.

I am sorry that you couldn't find it in yourself to call me yourself and had to get your boyfriend partner to call to make arrangements for the coat's immediate return.

I am sorry that the two of you have made other life choices that allow you the benefit of two cars, and I, still, after how many years (?) rely on city transit, kindness of others, bicycle or foot to get around, had to make arrangements to get to your home, located in the suburbs, to drop off this coat.

I am sorry that you decided not to bring our eldest child to his art class that's only a block from his school so that the transfer could be made easier on both of us.

I am sorry that you felt it more important to run errands that morning and that none of them brought you to this neighborhood.

I am sorry that I may have caused you to postpone your ski trip because the ski tags have to be attached to that coat.

What I am not sorry for is that I loved you completely, utterly and deeply and that I was committed to you up to the point where you walked out, making the decision that it was more important to you to have an open marriage then have me as a life partner.

I am not sorry for the children we had together. They may not have been conceived in overt acts of affection, they are the loves of my life. They are MY gifts from God, and I am a better person for tangling with their struggles.

I am not sorry for the first years of our separation being a typical messy wardivorce. I thought I could provoke you into being a parent. I thought you only needed a wake up call to get your head out of your ass pay attention to what was real in your life.

I was wrong. I still am wrong. For that, kids, I'm deeply, utterly sorry. So sorry that all you've known is the separation of households.

I'm not sorry for saving myself and looking out for the best I could do for you. I've tried to make things right. I tried to make your life different to what you're experiencing now. It didn't work. It's up to you know to make your wishes known and stand up to the bullyyour father.

XXXX if my wishes held merit in the universe, this is my wish for you:

. That you find the courage to be a man, and not hide behind XXXXXXX, or use your children the way you have.
. That you find the selflessness it takes to be a parent. Your children need YOU, not the reasonable facsimile that you have given them.
. That you find peace. Carrying around anger takes W-A-Y too much energy which could be better spent on living a fun life.
. That you find how to be generous towards others. I thought I saw that once, way back, but, I could be wrong in what I saw.
. That you find healing. You've been battered around by women who have tried to love you. We loved you for who we saw. Be more genuine. Facades need too much upkeep and only disappoint in the end.

Your children need you. They love you. Keep up the status quo, and you will find yourself a very lonely man. I don't think either of us want that.

Loved,

Me

Sucker or good mother?

While out this weekend following a friend around while she ran her errands, we trekked through a local big-box crafting store where CU-2 and Friend's daughter poked and picked up various interesting things. One such thing as a Valentine's Day-themed tin mail box.

Not looking at the price, and having purposely left my money at home, I told CU-2 I could make one for her.

The weekend passed.

Monday night, after she'd come home from Guides, while having a late night pre-bedtime snack, she pitches her question to me. "So Mom, will you make me one ...".

&*^%.

And yes, the lever does work. DH got suckered into making something that moves.

It tastes like toothpaste

CU-3 made her first cake today. All by herself, with me supervising. She did a great job. Having to cross language frontiers (French- English) and read a recipe (the terminology confused her a bit), she did a great job. The cake is delicious.

The frosting was a bit of a voyage into the unknown. We didn't have icing sugar in order to make the regular butter cream frosting, so I went onto the web and found a three-ingredient, no-cook, corn syrup based frosting (marshmallow creme-ish) thing. It was great. Took the tint of green that CU-3 added just beautifully. The recipe called for a tsp of flavoring. She used mint, per her directive. It frosted beautifully.

So, for dessert we served it up. As I've said, the cake was delicious.

CU-3 said Thank you.

DH requested a second cut because he had to share with CU-4.

CU-1 ate half, pushed the uneaten half away saying "It's good. It tastes like toothpaste."

Sunday morning coffee

After a rough night with CU-4 (up every two hours. I think it's his teeth again). Five of the six of us are up. DH isn't feeling his usual chipper morning self. Come to think ok it, since his mom came for a visit over Christmas, and filled me in on what he was like as a boy, he seems to have reverted to this persona - kind of a grump in the morning. ;-) Not that this is a bad thing.

When I first met DH, he was your typical nice guy. As our romance progressed, he continued to be that nice guy - though, I knew something was missing. When we argued, it really was a one way affair. He absorbed my words like sound tiles. As he's become more comfortable in the relationship, he's changed, to something a bit more natural. He's still the same loving man I met several years ago. This time he's not just a two dimensional character. He's got many facets. I like those too. His adjustments have helped me to adjust too. I like who I am.

What triggered this naval gazing post? This morning's PostSecret entries. Particularly this one.