Wednesday, September 27, 2006

That's when I knew

I've been reading a book by Po Bronson that I've found helpful. It's all about other family's stories.

I can't remember when or where I heard about the story. I do know that occassionally, I win the lottery in the library pool and it's my turn to read a book that I've put on request ages ago.

I like Mr. Bronson's style of writing. I like his approach to documenting other people's lives. I've seen bits of my life reflected in several of the stories that he recounts in this volume.

One thing that reading this book has done is provolk thoughts about my intuition, instincts and how things in my life have just happened ... usually good things ... Like the time I was pregant with CU-1. It was early Spring. I was heading into exams, panicked about money as my source of income was drying up and ex-DH's work was on rocky ground. I was talking down Elgin, near my home at the time, trying to hold back the sobs while talking to my walking companion.

I was on the verge of whailing when I almost screamed out "I just need a sign; a sign that everything is going to be ok."

As she offered sincerely felt "there theres" and "everything is going to work out", I happened to glace left. There, through the freezing rain, I saw what appeared to be a book in the bushes. (Being a former practicing librarian, I have a special place in my heart for orphaned information of varying media and have been know to stop for a free daily newspaper in distress.) I looked again. It was a book.

I just happened to have a bag in my pocket and fished the book out of the bushes into the bag. As I did so, I glanced at the title Chicken soup for the soul ... I knew then that as difficult as I was finding thesuggestion of the proposed transition, I was going to be ok.

***

Speed forward 10 years.

Earlier this summer, I had a scare after a regular pregnancy check-up. No fetal heart beat.

I had to trek half-way across town to get an ultrasound ... felt more like hell's half-acre by the time DH and I figured out that the road stopped and then started again at a different point.

While making the trek (getting panicked because the timing was close and this was an ultra sound ... think water, and lots of it), I started to slow down ... or maybe DH speeded up. He walks fast. As I stopped to get a rock out of my shoe. I saw something to my left ... a bib. A blue bib that had got caught up in the tall grasses. I fished it out, and tucked it in my back pack.

At that point, I found calmness. I found answers to many questions. I knew, once again, that everything would be ok.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Horoscope for the week

Concentrate. Focus. Think hard. Chocolate. Pay attention. Work. Detail. Diligence. Sex. Responsibility. Commitment. Dedication. Hippopotamus...' It is not always easy to keep our minds fixed on a single matter. We are bound to be distracted and it is inevitable that events will oblige us to divide our time. Do not be too hard on yourself if, this week, you cannot achieve all you want to. Just do your best.

Sounds about right ...

Last laugh

Looks like the last laugh is on me. The virus turned out to be our router that needed to be reset. Sigh.

A big week of running around is behind me. And a lot of paperwork. Announced the impending arrival of CU-4 through an early Christmas letter for those who don't already know, and, well, for whom I don't necessarily want to have to gauge their reactions through voice-to-voice contact.

The first day of Fall has arrived and we spent it out at the Motherships' cottage. Getting out of the city was terrific and I just about pulled off a cordial weekend, until I received a last minute dig which resulted in me turning an equality sharp retort. Oh well.

DH is in a pseudo-panic tonight as he's got a BIG MEETING at work later this week. (This is for a job he started only three weeks ago, and yet feels a huge amount of responsiblity for.) I'm looking at the week with mixed feelings ... kind of like a hamster on a treadmill.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Wah

Looks like there's a virus going around on the web. I've got denial of service to add pictures to here or to my photogallery. I can't access remote mail to get out a timely email for some volunteer stuff. I can't get confirmation that some one else is getting denial of service because of well-deserverved fatigue on my colleagues part. I'm feeling generally frustrated having just spent my evening with CU-1 completing homework he didn't do in school (and he still didn't touch this week's homework for the night).

Wah wah wah. Get the wah-mbulance! ;-)

Monday, September 18, 2006

Rolled up socks

I once heard/read that a marriage could withstand the loss of a child, but could not withstand the dirty, rolled up socks behind the sofa. Now I know what that insightful person was talking about.

Sharing the house with four other "room mates" life gets interesting when their standards of cleanliness don't match. Worst even is having to tidy up after these dust bunnies before actually doing any further tidying or arranging or finding stuff that's over due, needed for school, or required as result of a seasonal change.

I'm currently facing that frustration - three missing books, though down to two now (one registering a library fine as we speak, the second book starting to tick up the pennies in two days), a seasonal handbag change cannot take place as THAT is missing. New mitten clips will probably have to be purchased because I can't place my hands on last year's. On on it goes.

Doesn't help that we had the "help" of an extra house keeper last week who has her own sense of order. (Last time that happened, I found the library books mixed in with our books ...).

All this makes me wonder what's going to happen in, oh, about four months. Order out of chaos? I don't think so.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Rainy days and cold nights

I love rainy days.

I love curling up somewhere cozy with a mug o'tea, sitting in the partial darkness, listening to slow jazz.

Alas, I live in an expanding and contracting household where those values are not always shared, but that's beside the point.

The point is that it's not rainy tonight, but a bit cooler. Fantastic sleeping weather (when I don't nap the day away). And tonight I'm sitting in the glow of the computer, with a mug o'tea, listening to sloooooow jazz. What a luxury.

DH, who has started a new job that results in him being home by 6 p.m. EVERY NIGHT (wahoo!) which means that there's a bit more support (and gourmet hot dinners that I don't have to cook!) It also means that he's had the opportunity to play Ward Clever a bit more at home with the CUs.

Last week was a dry run with all three CUs. Not bad at a first attempts. This week, it's just CU-3. Being just over 2.5 years, it seems that it's her job to do QA on the household. What are the boundaries? What can she do to break the system? Every night it's a different stress test. She's going to be a very good software tester if she perceivers.

However, much to her shagrin, DH has written clean bed time code. Now it's a story, a song, a bit of back rubbing, and a kiss goodnight.

He's reduced his run time from two hours down to a reasonable 15 minutes. Wow. I actually get to see DH, and sometimes, if I'm very lucky, I get my own turn down service!