And so it goes, and so it goes

It's been a rough day at work. I've been asked to do something a soon-to-be displaced colleague/friend was to do.

I asked a question about the formerly assigned project because I just don't understand what's the problem and wanted to do knowledge transfer. Badly placed question. And now I think I've lost a friend, possibly two.

The big "Y"

Josie asks "Why would it take so long for the kids to get a message".

Can I take this opportunity for a slight side jaunt and mention that when I've mailed something to the kids, they've mysteriously never received them, though if a reimbursement cheque is mailed to the same address, in the same week its cashed. Go figure.

So, back on track, and to Josie's question - *I* don't know.

The actions of the adults in that household kind of speak for themselves eh?

Eating away at me

I had to go out tonight, to an event that I was only 1/2 interested in. I kinda-sort of left early because the second speaker came on and mentioned a dirty word: facets.

Well, ok. It's not a dirty word to most - those (three) of you who follow taxonomy issues will understand what a real headache this can be. The presenter was talking about facets in terms of how they can be used in indexing. I didn't like the way things were going, so I buggered out.

I came home to two telephone messages from my CU-2 who is currently at her father's, aka The Cone of Silence, until Friday. It's so irregular that I get ANY calls from either child, that because I got two, in the same night, it makes me worry. She asked me to call her back ... tonight ... tomorrow ... well, I'm on the road as of 7:15, if not earlier, tomorrow morning. She may or probably won't get the message until, oh ... Thursday night as she goes to bed, which is usually when the adults in that household pass along messages. So ... I'm hoping it's just an issue about passing along a Webkinz code, as per her request to me as I passed through the school grounds to get CU-3.

Tears

Ok. It's been a couple of weeks since posting something for Jonathan's BlogFriday. I really really like the idea of BlogFriday. Since going back to work, I've been having troubles making all the rounds, doing all the postings, and keeping up with the pile of laundry at home.

BUT, Johnathan has posted a word I know a lot about - tears.

So, here's the latest tears story. Last weekend we got access to the Mothership's car while she and Grandpa D head to warmer places. With the car, we have our regular obligations - go to their place pick up the mail, water the cat and pick them up at the end of their trip.

Having a car at our disposal is very different. It means that we're running longer-distance errands, and doing some fun stuff that we only do when the Grands go on their yearly trip. So, last week we went to a special toy store. This is the brain-version of toy stores, the good-for-you-educational-toy style of stores. I love it. It sure beats the one trip (ever) I did to Toys 'R' Us, oh, about 12 years back.

I took the two older CU-s there as they have a better selection of mother-approved toys. CU-3 found her area of expertise pretty quickly. Narrowing the decision took longer, a lot longer. But, there I left her to battle it out and discuss the benefits of each with one of the helpful mom-substitutes they have wandering the store.

CU-4 had a harder mission. He wanted a laser.

As a side bar story - DH is the Health and Safety officer for a well known employer in our community. He'd just spent the previous weekend drafting safety policy for the use of lasers as his work ... can you see a conflict building here?

CU-1 found another mother-substitute and started talking to her about this particular laser he'd seen the previous year that I'd brought him to the store (note: it's only when the Grandparents are out of town do we make this trip. It's that special.)

The mother-substitute was very helpful and even ignored my regular eye-rolling and attempts to insert myself into the conversation.

Eventually she figured out that the laser kit that he was looking for was all sold out and a hot item for the winter of 2006.

I packed up the unhappy CU-1 and the ecstatic CU-2 who finally made her choices and made my way through the next errands. CU-1 kept nagging me about going to the fancy-pants toy store more in our neighborhood. By this point in time we were driving home, so it was like, ok. We'll go. I dropped him off at the corner and parked the car.

By the time CU-2 and I made it into the house, he'd grown confident in his quest, found a clerk and made his request known. While they didn't have it in that store, they had it in a sister store. (It being freezing rain that day, I asked if they could transfer it to this store.)

In the car, I turned around to see this pre-adolescent CU-1 crying. "What's up?" I asked, thinking I'd done something horribly wrong.

"Rein, Maman." he responded.

They were tears of joy ...

Good things

Good things are happening I just haven't had the time to get to the computer to share them.

The baby is making quacking noises in kitchen. DH is making fresh Belgian waffles and I'm going for massagies (therapeutic massage that keeps me upright) in about an hour.

I've been notified of winning first place in a neighborhood photo competition and I got an amazing performance review at work.

My Lenten efforts, though tentative, are making in roads into the cultural scene here - people are starting to remember me or stuff that I've posted/dropped off (though I was told by one gallery owner photography doesn't sell - I'm ok with that. It's not my intent to sell, it's just a very nice side affect).

The sun is shining. It's not too cold outside. And it's Saturday - a break in the five-day routine. Yeah to laundry! Yah to Saturday swimming classes and errands and taking out the garbage. Yeah to Saturday morning waffles and massagies, and diapers that need changing.

Yeah.

Pay it Foward

Soon I'll be the recipient of a box o' fun from Josie, down the line.

It's part of a Pay it Forward amongst bloggers and the rules go something like this: as long as you're willing to pass along the bounty to another blogger, you get to play. Like Josie, I'll happily send along a box of wonder to three people who post their interest in playing along. Leave a note in the blog. I'll probably take the first three people who choose to leave a response as I think I've got a significantly lower readership then her! ;-) (I'll post a follow-up for the three people.)

Good luck.

10 random facts

Borrowed from Jonathan: a meme where the goal is to write down 10 random things about yourself - goals, peeves, etc.

1. I once went on a ski trip ... and I don't ski.

2. I don't think of my self as having a lot of anxiety right now, but today I was told otherwise.

3. When I was a pre-adolescent, I wanted to be an Irving gas girl.

4. I once gave up anger for Lent.

5. My mother wanted me to be an opera singer.

6. I wish I could be a Chaotic Evil, even if it were just in my spare time.

7. I'd rather load then unload.

8. I wish I had the freedom to move away from here.

9. I have a really bad stationary fetish.

10. I wish I could do more.

Lack of car ownership = handicap!

Coming from a man with a degree in Community Health, so he should know.

"It is important for the children to witness that when people choose not to have a car they are not handicapped towards their responsibilities."

This is from a guy who won't take his children to their sports, arts classes, library, or anything else, unless it was his idea, and on his time (and won't share any information on any programs he may have scheduled for the kids so that they can go with regularity ...). Oh, and it's ok to ask some one to travel 1.5 hours, one way by bus and walking, to drop off something at his house, and he doesn't have the grace to answer the door when the person arrives.

Rinse and repeat this scenario again (there was a second request the night before cross-over - and no one bothered to return that telephone call).

Any one wonder why I am jealous of single mothers?

Just to change the subject

Imagine that ... we're getting snow. What a novel weather pattern! (There's an inside joke here.)

An open letter to the man I loved

Dear XXXX,

Yesterday I received a telephone call from our daughter. She was asking me to deliver the winter coat you bought her to your place.

As I told her, I would bring it to school for drop-off in her locker Monday because she wore a warm coat that she liked to school that day. The big difference besides color? You didn't supply it.

I am sorry for so many things.

I am sorry that I didn't notice she wasn't wearing the other coat when she crossed back into her alternative life.

I am sorry that you made her call.

I am sorry that I had to tell her, as she broke down in tears, that this wasn't a conversation that she and I didn't need to have.

I am sorry that you were too busy to talk to me, even though it was clear that you were standing next to her during the entire conversation.

I am sorry that you couldn't find it in yourself to call me yourself and had to get your boyfriend partner to call to make arrangements for the coat's immediate return.

I am sorry that the two of you have made other life choices that allow you the benefit of two cars, and I, still, after how many years (?) rely on city transit, kindness of others, bicycle or foot to get around, had to make arrangements to get to your home, located in the suburbs, to drop off this coat.

I am sorry that you decided not to bring our eldest child to his art class that's only a block from his school so that the transfer could be made easier on both of us.

I am sorry that you felt it more important to run errands that morning and that none of them brought you to this neighborhood.

I am sorry that I may have caused you to postpone your ski trip because the ski tags have to be attached to that coat.

What I am not sorry for is that I loved you completely, utterly and deeply and that I was committed to you up to the point where you walked out, making the decision that it was more important to you to have an open marriage then have me as a life partner.

I am not sorry for the children we had together. They may not have been conceived in overt acts of affection, they are the loves of my life. They are MY gifts from God, and I am a better person for tangling with their struggles.

I am not sorry for the first years of our separation being a typical messy wardivorce. I thought I could provoke you into being a parent. I thought you only needed a wake up call to get your head out of your ass pay attention to what was real in your life.

I was wrong. I still am wrong. For that, kids, I'm deeply, utterly sorry. So sorry that all you've known is the separation of households.

I'm not sorry for saving myself and looking out for the best I could do for you. I've tried to make things right. I tried to make your life different to what you're experiencing now. It didn't work. It's up to you know to make your wishes known and stand up to the bullyyour father.

XXXX if my wishes held merit in the universe, this is my wish for you:

. That you find the courage to be a man, and not hide behind XXXXXXX, or use your children the way you have.
. That you find the selflessness it takes to be a parent. Your children need YOU, not the reasonable facsimile that you have given them.
. That you find peace. Carrying around anger takes W-A-Y too much energy which could be better spent on living a fun life.
. That you find how to be generous towards others. I thought I saw that once, way back, but, I could be wrong in what I saw.
. That you find healing. You've been battered around by women who have tried to love you. We loved you for who we saw. Be more genuine. Facades need too much upkeep and only disappoint in the end.

Your children need you. They love you. Keep up the status quo, and you will find yourself a very lonely man. I don't think either of us want that.

Loved,

Me

Sucker or good mother?

While out this weekend following a friend around while she ran her errands, we trekked through a local big-box crafting store where CU-2 and Friend's daughter poked and picked up various interesting things. One such thing as a Valentine's Day-themed tin mail box.

Not looking at the price, and having purposely left my money at home, I told CU-2 I could make one for her.

The weekend passed.

Monday night, after she'd come home from Guides, while having a late night pre-bedtime snack, she pitches her question to me. "So Mom, will you make me one ...".

&*^%.

And yes, the lever does work. DH got suckered into making something that moves.

It tastes like toothpaste

CU-3 made her first cake today. All by herself, with me supervising. She did a great job. Having to cross language frontiers (French- English) and read a recipe (the terminology confused her a bit), she did a great job. The cake is delicious.

The frosting was a bit of a voyage into the unknown. We didn't have icing sugar in order to make the regular butter cream frosting, so I went onto the web and found a three-ingredient, no-cook, corn syrup based frosting (marshmallow creme-ish) thing. It was great. Took the tint of green that CU-3 added just beautifully. The recipe called for a tsp of flavoring. She used mint, per her directive. It frosted beautifully.

So, for dessert we served it up. As I've said, the cake was delicious.

CU-3 said Thank you.

DH requested a second cut because he had to share with CU-4.

CU-1 ate half, pushed the uneaten half away saying "It's good. It tastes like toothpaste."

Sunday morning coffee

After a rough night with CU-4 (up every two hours. I think it's his teeth again). Five of the six of us are up. DH isn't feeling his usual chipper morning self. Come to think ok it, since his mom came for a visit over Christmas, and filled me in on what he was like as a boy, he seems to have reverted to this persona - kind of a grump in the morning. ;-) Not that this is a bad thing.

When I first met DH, he was your typical nice guy. As our romance progressed, he continued to be that nice guy - though, I knew something was missing. When we argued, it really was a one way affair. He absorbed my words like sound tiles. As he's become more comfortable in the relationship, he's changed, to something a bit more natural. He's still the same loving man I met several years ago. This time he's not just a two dimensional character. He's got many facets. I like those too. His adjustments have helped me to adjust too. I like who I am.

What triggered this naval gazing post? This morning's PostSecret entries. Particularly this one.

Pretty cool idea

While following other peoples comment links back to their blogs, I've found another bunch that I want to try to read. I'm now finding my limited evening hours that should be spent doing self-care, laundry, lunches, exercise or sleeping is spent catch up on my faves plus skipping through others that can stand a little less direct attention from me.

So, now I've got two more to add to the mix: Beanpaste, as stumbled on over at Derfwad Manor, and Soulemama as sited by Beanpaste.

Beanpaste had identified that she'd been inspired to do a 30 day photo-a-day project.

I've been looking for ideas like that too. I missed out on other group activities on Flickr. For some reason, I feel like I can only lurk, not fully indulge. Perhaps it's the technology. Perhaps it's part of the "I'm just not a popular crowd/I'm not worthy kind of thing." Silliness and pahsha you could say. I know I do. I'm content to just putter around in my short-sited world, for the most part. Every once in a while, I want to get excited by something else. By some one else.

No dear huz, this side of me doesn't concern THAT! ;-)

So, here I am on the cusp of another month starting - why not borrow and idea - 29 days - 29 photos. It's not like I'm ever without a camera ...

Today I saw a guy downtown, near where I work, taking pictures - he's right - it was a beautiful day, great for photos. I also missed an opportunity to take pictures of three chairs. There was just something about them.

Part of me said, it's not practical - I've got to go get children, I don't have time. Another part of me said - think of the printing costs ... sigh. I really have to just let go, take the pictures and wait for the sales, and do what I really have a passion for.

What more is there to say

"We have announced to the children that we will be moving in the Spring. We will forward all the information and coordinates when the time comes."

Usually that time is the day the children return to his care and the move has taken place ...

Bad back, go stand in the corner!

So my back has been taking a slow exit to fail me. Having heard from a friend in California, I guess it's going around.

This morning, I mentioned to a work colleague that I feel like I'm in an Michael Jackson video. "OooOOhhhooo!" and "Eww!" "Ah!"

On being six

Jonathan's life is about to change in a big way. Like people who have multiple births, he and his wife are getting a multiple birth AND age ranges shortly. He's thinking about the life changes before him, and yes, there will be changes.)

We are a family of average four-up-to-six every other week. Going places is 54% of the adventure. (Still being car-less by economy makes up for 11% of the adventure!)

Going places looks like an airplane check list:

diapers - check
bottle of milk - check
snacks that will interest five people - check
tukes, gloves, scarves - check, check and oh crap! CU-2 doesn't have mits and CU-1 forgot his glasses again *@&^%!!

And on it goes.

If we're planning a trip to the local community centre for a lesson, or for kid amusement - it gets ever soooooo much more interesting. (One thing I've done to increase the sanity level is that *each* kid has his/her tote bag with his/her name on it and each is filled with what ever is needed for the day. Sure beats having the bulk bag and forgetting some ones gear!

School morning are about as amusing. As much as I try to plan the night before - boots, mittens in boots, tukes, scarves and back packs at the ready, the inevitable usually happens. While emptying 1/2 of the refridgerator (six lunch boxes take up a lot of space), some one is slow to dress, complain about their cereal options, or look at some one else which starts the complaint "CUx is looking at me!" Sigh.

Wouldn't change it for the world. (But I'd really love it if Extreme Home Makeover came to my house and redid my laundry room to offer me TWO WASHERS!)

Friday's Love List

Per Meg's request:

Things I love:

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Doorbells and sleighbells
And schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winter that melts into spring
The smell of Fall
Children who know that when I ask "where are my presents" they point back to themselves
Sparky - it's been seven years now and I've still got that itch!
Photography
Getting it right
The "ah ha moment" when the plan comes together
Walking in a storm
Grandma Tim's Poppy Cock (I love that one just a bit too much)
Shoes that fit
Hand bags
Containers - almost any kind (garden trugs to magazine holders)
Walking through my city garden
Successful meetings
When the kids and I really connect
Waking up naturally after a deep sleep
Early mornings when no one is up yet
President's Choice coffee - it is like Tim Hortons!
Coffee cream in said coffee
Snow ice cream
New IKEA catalogs
Books I can get lost in
Creativity (mine and especially others)
My friends who are my extended family
My in-laws and my out-laws
My six nieces and nephews
Potty-trained children
Pizza night
Cherrios
Nights when The Huz cooks
Peace
Vista Print
Laughter
Impractical Jokes
That I can type faster then I write
Back rubs
Saint Vincent de Paul stores and Value Village
Mars Bars
Gary Larson
Mr. Freezes
Amazing bloggers
Short stories (to match my shorter attention span)
Friends who are smarter then me (I hope you know who you are! You're supposed to because you're smarter then me, remember?)
Yard sales
A deal
Chocolate covered cherry Blizzards
Paying it forward
Paper
Tools that do cool things, like wrenches ;-)

Since I Left College ...

The “Since You Left College” meme…

Work out how many years it has been since you left education, and state the answer. Then write a short paragraph on each of the following;

This is sad. I'm not sure which to answer. I graduated with my undergraduate in 1990. A masters in 1992. College in 1994. A certificate in 2005. I don't know what to answer.

• What have you done with those years?

Got married. Got education. Had children. Got divorced. Got married. Got more education. Had more children. (We we see a theme there? ;0 Worked for six different employers. Moved twelve times.

• What do you look back on with a smile?

The friends I picked up along the way who are still with me today.

• What do you look back on with sadness?

The end of some dreams.

To end on a happier note, look what I've done instead. I've got a pretty cool life and I've become the parent I've always wanted to be. I've also found the person that got lost for a decade. I like her and she likes me. Life is not so good that it couldn't be better, not so bad that it couldn't be worse. ;-)

Your turn!

Originally posted here.

Where did the years go? What have I done with my life? What have I acheived? What do I have to look back upon? While thinking about these subjects it struck me that it might make a very good meme - and so here it is…

The “Since You Left College” meme…

Work out how many years it has been since you left education, and state the answer. Then write a short paragraph on each of the following;

• What have you done with those years?
• What do you look back on with a smile?
• What do you look back on with sadness?

Better Saturday morning to you! especially now that it's Monday night

With a cup of coffee in hand, I skipped reading the online paper headlines and headed over to the blog rolls to check out what was happening. Much more upbeat for a Saturday morning.

Over at Derfwad Manor Mrs. G is tripping down memory hair lane and taking a whole lot of people with her.

Her post is as funny as it is disturbing. The comments also support the entry very well. (Note - the content may evoke an episode of Post-Traumatic Hair Distress Syndrome!)

Oh the memories! Worse still, the pictures that *I* have that I have yet to destroy. (Why I keep them, I don't know. Perhaps it has something to do with my thymotic urge.)

Hair seems to be an all consuming issue this week. Meg over at MegFowler.com is living through the shock of her latest haircut, where she got some new bangs. Trés chique.

This led me to doing some reminiscing, and remembering that I recently saved a box of pictures from the basement. Most of the pictures that made it to albums have to do with CUs 1 and 2 (3 is in her own book up until two years ago when everyone's stopped getting updated.)

So, in a knod to the great thymotic urge, here's me in some of my great glory:

This is me ... in Grade 4.

(My dear CU-1 just walked by and asked me who HE was. Bahahahahaha.


And this

The picture to the right is one of the best reasons I don't let people take my picture! (Believe me, it's one of the better ones!)

My ex-in-laws kept wanting to take me to their hair dresser every time we went out East. The mothership never really knew what to do with it. My best attempts show little success at taming the lion within. And people wonder why I have hair issues.

Upon posting this, I'm seriously doubting that I'll ever have a "I read your blog" recognition moment like Johnathan and Mike have had. ;-)