A two fold problem

DH and I are going through a bumpy batch. A lot of turbulence. It's pretty rough. Like really cheap toilet paper.

You could suggest that my suggestion to build a porch is at the heart of the problem. I don't think it is.

Currently we're waiting for news about refinancing to attend to the last costs associated with the reconstruction of the house. That news should be through either today or tomorrow.

Meanwhile, DH is panicking like only he knows how. (Actually I've done it too, just not about money.)

He's panicking that some how we're going to loose the house. This, I think, is his biggest fear. You see, we have to come up with about $10k more to pay off the contractor. Meanwhile, he'd like to merge all of our debts so that repayment is lower. Ok. Sounds reasonable. Right? Wrong. Not in his eyes. He's panicking that the financing will not be enough (even though the mortgage broker has said she could get enough money herself). So, there should be no issue.

Oh now. Yesterday night we had a slap-fest (where I reverted to calling him a RAT [oooohhhh big name calling there eh? What's next calling him Baby La La? Ouch that'll sting]) because he was sandbagging the conversation (we're one paycheck away from loosing the house [not true], we wouldn't survive if there was a lay off [I'm am contractually obligated to return to work for a year at the end of the maternity leave, and it's unlikely the Feds are so bloated right now that there will be layoffs. DH just got a personalized pen from work, and is fast tracked to get his performance review and retroactive raise in place). Hmmm. And on when the in-comprehensive blather. (Yes DH, if you dare read this - it was blather - as I exposed a realistic light on each of your concerns.) Not even a call to your mother, to try and get your fears settled there, soothed you.

Really, WTF is the problem with talking to people to get a free estimate on the costs associated with building a porch? FREE ESTIMATE. NO OBLIGATION. It's called educating yourself.

For the record, each time I've asked you about the freaking porch - I've started small - can we move the stairs to the entryway from the left side to the right side. Can we look at options and solutions available to us? What are all the options for this fiscal year?

You some how mis-hear this and start hearing full blown plans for the porch. Because of your willingness to talk about the porch (and then the subsequent five-year landscaping plan) I run with is. Tooo many times have I been sucked into this cycle.

Now - part two - my side of things, as I see it.

I'm at home .... all day ... almost every day. Work doesn't want me to come in right now. They've got nothing for me to do that I could do from home, that doesn't require face-to-face contact with external clients.

Cleaning, painting and laundry are not my favorite things. Playing with CU-4 is nice, though not so fulfilling for me as I didn't receive the full motherly gene - especially for this age.

I get to look at and use unfinished parts of the house every day, all day. I see every bruise, every wrinkle ALL THE TIME. When you get home, I get a stressed out guy. Gee, like I haven't been dealing with that for a good part of the day. I get a tired guy. Gee, it's not like I don't get to deal with tired people at all all day, every day. (And this is also on night of broken sleep five days a week, often more.)

There is so much I can't do. There is so much I could do. However, like you and the wall project, I want some one -- YOU -- to be there for me so that we can walk and talk our way through the problems.

I'm not a big spender. You should know that by now. I do want things to be moved to a place where I then could pick up the hammer and do something.

I am feeling a lot of things right now. Unfulfilled is probably the biggest thing.

So, unfulfilled meets your issues that you bring home from work, plus the house issues that still are not solidified, plus future financial issues. Doesn't help that I've actually lowered my guard to such an extent where I have come to rely on you as a partner.

It's a pretty sucky place for us to be right now.

End of blather.