Breaking a confidence

Ok. Here goes. I'm breaking my CU-2's confidence in the biggest of ways. I need to record this in some way, and I need to throw this out to the universe (and all my critics) just to get it out of my head.

Last week, when CU-2 was home, she sidled up to me and asked me if she could talk to me. As she didn't really respond to my question about timing (right now, or later). So she led me to the "sacred space" aka the parent's bedroom where she started to unpack the baggage.

Out came her angst about her father and his partner. About her struggle with her feelings towards the rules and inhabitants of her other home. She commented that she loved her father dearly. She didn't like that she was told to stay in her room until they were ready for her to come out. That she couldn't play freely with her neighborhood friend or use the computer as liberally as she has there. And then there's the subject of his partner's car, window control and breath. (If I'm going to break confidence, in for a penny, in for a pound.)

I listened carefully, not offering comment (I think I bit my tongue more then once), except to ask her how she felt about something, or what she thought would be a better solution.

I offered to roll-play with her. I suggested that if she couldn't talk to her father without tearing up (or breaking down as she had done with me), that she could write out her thoughts and read it to him. (With that suggestion, she got a panic-stricken look on her face for fear that her father's partner would see [and eventually hear] what she had to say.)

We got to a point where she had enough talking. She felt comfortable with my suggestions that she talk to her father, asking for his attention alone - by going for a walk, a drive in the car, or, as she'd done with me, finding a quiet place to talk, so that she had his attention.

I encouraged her to think about what she wanted to say, and find an appropriate time to talk - not when he's busy with any one else, or by anything else.

* * *
I saw her a couple of times this week. Twice before DXH's partner came to pick up the children. (DXH was out of town this week ...) Each time I saw her, she started by saying "I didn't talk to him yet." No "Bonjour Maman!" She's very very preoccupied by the weight of her need to discuss things with her father.

Today I mentioned that, as he was supposed to be home today from his trip, she may want to wait until the next rotation to talk to him. She told me "Maybe" then "I can't wait. I have to talk to him tonight."

Ok. So, here I am, eating my way through stuff because of my increasing anxiety level. DH and I have roll-played responses to an almost guaranteed nasty email radiating from his side of the fence about me propagating this discussion.

If he only did his homework about pubescent children and how they start to look at their worlds differently. This will be another foray into her exploring the more adult world.

Good luck on your negotiations kiddo. I sure hope he opens his eyes, ears and heart to you.