Opinions

Yesterday night, while at ball hockey with CU-1, I got tapped on the shoulder and was asked to participate in a focus group regarding health and safety of our kids at home, at school and withing the neighborhood and community.

I thought this was a rather obtuse topic to deal with within the confines of 40 minutes. I was also surprised that they had to recruit parents at a ball hockey night to get opinions. Why was there no advertising about this anywhere in the community prior to the two minute warning?

But, I attended and listened to three other moms talk about criteria they see as being important to providing the stability in a child's life.

Of the four of us who participated, I knew two of the others and extrapolate my observation to the fourth mom. We're all educated (which means we are more likely to be liberal and open to ideas, seeking assistance, and be willing to work towards and with solutions presented.) What I found interesting was that before this meeting I wouldn't have classified the the four of us as a representational cross-section of the people living in this community/catchment area. The women's self-declaration of the challenges they face helped me realize that we may have a greater level of education then my neighbors, but we are all struggling.

It was really helpful to hear about other parent's struggles raising their children. One mom had a son who was having difficulties in school and commented how schools were quick to want to label a kid, and that the community services and the pathways to assist the parent are not readily visible. Another parent talked about the difficulties of providing a stable home life when a parent may have to work multiple jobs or a swing shift, meanwhile juggling day or after school expenses, and personal needs and commitments.

And then there was the likes of me who waffles between panic and calm trying to figure out where the money's going to come from for the next two years until CU-4 is into regular day care (versus baby day care - there's a $900/month difference in the fees).

We self-identified as the working poor. Working to make ends not necessarily meet, but get a bit closer together.

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Start of pity party

Because this is a pseudo-anonymous blog, I can further out myself by saying I make a good wage - well above the poverty line, as does DH. We're very careful with our money. We make our choices not based on support of the environment (which most people like to think is our motivation), but because our finances dictate greater frugality. We shop a the second hand shops. We use our local GT for at least half of our weekly groceries. We don't own a car because, well, where would the insurance and car payments come from?

To walk through our house, you'd never know we're running that close to the bone. It's not super fancy, but it has its luxuries (flat screen computer monitor (adult toy) and lots of kids toys in the yard). It's not because we spent a lot of money to get these things.

With some pride I can walk through my house and tell you what curb, or former home 85% of the things in my house came from. We have very very few new things -- which, I keep telling myself, is ok. The kids don't seem to mind. (Christmas is coming, though, and we can't get them anything that they've asked for.) I think I've fooled myself into saying that it's even fun to try to beat my system and stretch that dollar as if it was running a marathon. Alas, brain washing isn't permanent.

So, if you've read this far, you're probably asking "What's the point of this blog post?" Whining, dear readers. Full blown whining, an opportunity to wallow in self-pity about choices I've made and how I have self-inflicted problems. I just need to worry out loud. Panic, more like it. Sometimes it helps free up space so that I can come up with parts of a solution.