That's when I knew

I've been reading a book by Po Bronson that I've found helpful. It's all about other family's stories.

I can't remember when or where I heard about the story. I do know that occassionally, I win the lottery in the library pool and it's my turn to read a book that I've put on request ages ago.

I like Mr. Bronson's style of writing. I like his approach to documenting other people's lives. I've seen bits of my life reflected in several of the stories that he recounts in this volume.

One thing that reading this book has done is provolk thoughts about my intuition, instincts and how things in my life have just happened ... usually good things ... Like the time I was pregant with CU-1. It was early Spring. I was heading into exams, panicked about money as my source of income was drying up and ex-DH's work was on rocky ground. I was talking down Elgin, near my home at the time, trying to hold back the sobs while talking to my walking companion.

I was on the verge of whailing when I almost screamed out "I just need a sign; a sign that everything is going to be ok."

As she offered sincerely felt "there theres" and "everything is going to work out", I happened to glace left. There, through the freezing rain, I saw what appeared to be a book in the bushes. (Being a former practicing librarian, I have a special place in my heart for orphaned information of varying media and have been know to stop for a free daily newspaper in distress.) I looked again. It was a book.

I just happened to have a bag in my pocket and fished the book out of the bushes into the bag. As I did so, I glanced at the title Chicken soup for the soul ... I knew then that as difficult as I was finding thesuggestion of the proposed transition, I was going to be ok.

***

Speed forward 10 years.

Earlier this summer, I had a scare after a regular pregnancy check-up. No fetal heart beat.

I had to trek half-way across town to get an ultrasound ... felt more like hell's half-acre by the time DH and I figured out that the road stopped and then started again at a different point.

While making the trek (getting panicked because the timing was close and this was an ultra sound ... think water, and lots of it), I started to slow down ... or maybe DH speeded up. He walks fast. As I stopped to get a rock out of my shoe. I saw something to my left ... a bib. A blue bib that had got caught up in the tall grasses. I fished it out, and tucked it in my back pack.

At that point, I found calmness. I found answers to many questions. I knew, once again, that everything would be ok.