Coming together

I've been slow to post. If you got a good look at my hands, you'd see them speckled with various colours of paint.

I've been painting all the new walls to beat the band. Between that, and a short bout of the flu, muscle aches, a bit of arthritus, and a couple of hours working on a work project, things have just got in the way of posting the silly bits of life.

Doesn't help that I've been crabby. Stressed. Things are coming together on the house reno. The bits and bobs that are still outstanding are starting to stress me as I'm the one who "dresses" the house, and I want to get at it. I've been stopped by different bits (ungrouted tile, kitchen cabinets that have had to be reordered, errands that have to be run) to really move this project forward. Meanwhile, the continued collection of stuff in anticipation for the house, and the continual moving of other bits and pieces into the remaining part of the house that is not currently under construction is adding to the pile.

Notice to the universe: I *am* greatful for your blessings. Keep 'em coming. I'll get through this.

Smells like teen spirit

DH is on the road for about half of this week. That's unusal as for the last five years or so, we've spent perhaps less then a week, in total, apart. As all you who read this blog with any kind of regularity will note, I've been feeling a bit stressed out. His being away doesn't change the situation that much (or so I'd like to think. I *used* to be able to be a fully functional grown, single Mom for a number of years.)

I feel like when I got married, I got stupider. Stupider in that I've started to actually trust again, and rely on another individual to take on certain tasks and support the running of the household.

I'm starting to really realize how far I've relaxed with DH in my life. CU-4 took almost no naps today (I'm feeling it as I needed the nap) and I could have used the extra pair of hands so that I could sneak in a 15 minute power nap tonight. I could have also used the extra brain to help process laundry correctly. As is, my senses (five plus one) were working overtime saying "Don't do it. Don't do it. "

Let me bck up a bit. CU-3 was having a difficult diaper free day. She had had several accidents at school, so there was laundry to do. I managed to sneak to the cave to run laundry before she noticed my momentary disappearance. (Who says parenting isn't magical).

A friend stopped by, so I borrowed her superpowers of watching children to run downstairs to switch the laundry around. My sense of smell said there was something wrong. The laundry didn't have the proper fresh laundry smell. I thought the laundry just needed a tumble in the dryer and all would be better. So I put it to the dryer and squeezed through another load of laundry into the washer.

A couple of hours later, when the house was quieter and lunches were prepared, I crept downstairs to get the fresh laundry out of the dryer. The improper smell was still there. So I shrugged and thought I'd better rerun that load. I did the wet versus dry laundry square dance, with laundry trading places. As I did so, there was a super clean turd that fell out of the laundry.

Squick.

Oh the stories of motherhood. Give me a couple of years and I'll actually own up to the story.

Right

I'd been partying way to long -- having a pity party that is.

Grandma C was right about her comments. Yesterday _was_ a special day with so many opportunities. Her comment kind of shook me up to start seeing the adventure in the day again.

Today is a new day. Workers are back on site. I've posted a first rough draft of my work project to the Project Manager for comments. It's not snowing. CU-4 is still just as snuffly as me and has begun to coo. He's charming.

Cuddle time.

Blowing chunks

As of late, all my blog posts have been a rant on stresses of one kind or another. Of that, I am not proud. However, as I have so few readers, my ranting is ok. It's almost like peeping into my diary, without having to search between the matresses.

Today was another stressed day.

It started off with waking up to this:

Followed by wet, wet and more wet. CU-3 was well off in her rain boots, and CU-4 was firmly strapped to my chest; a position he's been privledged to hold now for almost 12 months.

We got about a block from home when I had to save Santa from the mongo pile, and truck him back home. It just wouldn't do to have to carry three to school. And I just don't know how I would have explained his presence to Perpetual Chocoholic.

So truck back we did, and then really headed off into the 60 m/h winds. Wet snow and rain making CU-4 breath deep enough for both of us.

Made our slow assent to the school and caught up with CU-2 who was released from the bowels of XDH's van. CU-1 didn't bother to come out as he was engrossed in the portable television. (I do so love XDH's parenting style. And he lectures me. Sigh.)

Had a wee chat with CU-2 and then dropped off CU-3. She was very happy to show off her chosen book on bebits. Happy happy thing.

Treked over to the coffee shop for my now usual Monday morning ritual and waited. I figured I'd probably not be seeing PC this morning. When it gets to greasy out, she shows she's the logical one and calls to cancel. CU-4 and I had a love in (cuddle), under the watchful evil eye of this dude sitting in the corner trying to do a cross word. I watched him and he evil-eyed me when CU-4 let out a squalk of discomfort as I was adjusting his sitting place. (It wasn't his usual set of trees he gets to look at and I didn't have him held just-so so that he could adjust to the new surroundings.)

We wandered home, at a casual pace, getting spashed from boot to thigh by kindly drivers, to no work men. Sigh.

CU-4 and I curred up against one another for a nappy, feeling tired from the weird dreams of the night before. We drifted. Him more fitfully then me. I eventually got up to tend to my anxieties about a work project that's not done yet and must be attended to before the end of the month. (End of the week would be so much better.)

Telephone calls, baby wails, fatigue. That was the afternoon.

Outside it was better. No snow. Now rain. CU-4 and I both find solitude outside. I love the rain of April and May.

I **** the new Blogger!

Arg. 15 minutes out of my life doesn't seem like much, except when I should be getting ready for church.

I just fought with Google and Blogger to try to get access to this account, and to post some new stories. It's been a comedy of errors (email was down for 24 hours, and I was in an evil cycle of trying to remember my password to this blog, and couldn't. ARG!)

DH is packing up to head to the big city for three days and I've been in a low-level panic. Couldn't post. Lost stories and now have CU-3 and 4 to attend to during the day which might make me slower to post at night! Argh.

Here, there and every where

"****'s house of pain." That's how my neighbor once answered my telephone for me. (It was DH's regular hour to call, so no harm was done.)

It seems that I'm in a rant mood lately. DH was telling family stories at work, and some of his coworkers are nurses who started to toy with the idea of post-partum depression. DH replied. "No. I don't think so. She's usually like this."

Stresses of life. Stresses of running a household. My hat is off to any one who decides to tackle the detritus of family life full-time. I've said this again and again to my coworkers: "I'd rather be here." Here being work. It's sooooo much easier then being a domestic god/dess.

Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying not having to listen to customer complaints for this year off. I know I'll look back on this time away with longing. It's the whole while-in-the-thick-of-it that's getting to me.

I once heard another parent say to their nagging child "This is an opportunity to try to exercise patience." I keep telling myself that, and "this too shall pass".

Oooh. Sounds like workmen are back on site!

Oh drat. Just CU-2, home sick from school, using the electrical pencil sharpener.

House bound

It's Easter Monday and the children are all stir crazy, except for little CU-4 who is sitting in the eye of the storm watching it all with an entertained and bewildered look on his face.

I've already chewed my way through several kick-lines of Peeps rabbits in an effort to self-medicate myself to a level of feeling something other then nothing.

The weather's been unusually chilly which just adds to the mix of cabin fever, and potty training efforts that are being met with mild success, when a toilet is near.

The units are jumping up and down and thudding about just about as much as the guys on the roof. They're back to do the front of the house which means that the children have a real reason to stay in side (physical safety), though telling the children big snow flakes are falling (roofing materials being dropped to the ground) has served as a mild form of entertainment.

> Enter explective here <

Apparently DH reads this blog from time-to-time to gauge how things are going in my head. He thinks he can get insite into what's going on when I go off the deep end.

Currently we're both absolutely stressed out.

We finally got a notice from the hydro company saying that we failed the electrical inspection for the new addition. Add that I've not really seen him for the last two weeks (he's been in the addition or dungeon working on fixing the part of the electrical that failed (S2 staples versus S1 staples. Who knew.) Heap on a missing receipt worth about $80 to be able to return electrical box extensions, screwy IKEA wall-mount lights, four children, two weeks of laundry, below average weather, a birthday party, homework and Easter, plus a looming deadline for work = one stressed out Maman and Papa with little relief in site.

I'm thinking that it's still easier to build then to move.

This too shall pass.

And so it goes

I just spent another fourty minutes of my life on the telephone doing an intake/observations session regarding support for CU-1. I can't help getting the feeling of deja vu all over again. It's like the intake workers don't read other's notes, and/or are looking for consistancies of stories in asking the same questions over and over again.

I have feelings of great sadness after these sessions. I feel like "here we go again", and that there's not a lot of sympathy or understanding to go around. I repeat the same story and nothing changes. People will go about and do what *they* think is right. So, in the end I say "Listen to the school's comments. They're having the most difficulty with his child. Do what needs to be done to support them, and I'll tow the line at home." It seems like the path of least resistance. And, besides, CU-1 spends most of his day there, why not conform. (It's all a bit 1984ish isn't it?)

On an equally depressive note, I got an email this morning from DH who got a note from the contractor's project manager saying things were behind by a week and one of the elements I was looking for is out of budget and we need to look at option A or B. (Why this wasn't pointed out at the begining of the project, or even earlier then today, I don't know. Perhaps this is fairly typical of project management.)

I think it's suffice to say that I'm getting frustrated. Perhaps it's because I'm a high-end communicator. I do it for a living. I like to know information is available. Perhaps I set my hopes (not expectations, they're set way too low) way to high on everything.

Oh well. This too shall pass.

It's 4:30 p.m and all is quiet

Well, relatively quiet. I *just* woke up from a much needed nappy.

CU-3 is out as well as CU-4. DH is making his way across town to pick-up a potentially new-to-us mattress from a Freecycle. I'm hoping it works out as ours has seen better days (and the conception of five children).

As DH said upon going to bed last night "I sure hope this one doesn't have me rolling toward the middle!"

I'm hoping for a lot of noise this week. We're coming down to the final five weeks of the NDIY (
NOT do-it yourself) project. Insulation, windows, drywall, flooring and roofs are all slated for this short week. The current forecast says it'll be raining men! Halleluiah!

Bring it on boys. Bring it on!